shakti (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
permutative) wrote2021-07-11 02:35 pm
permutative) wrote2021-07-11 02:35 pm
Entry tags:
[wip post] two uni aus i abandoned
i reflected and i just don't think it makes sense to write jaywon uni aus atm/i've never been able to hit a rhythm i like with these!! but i'm going to just leave them here for fun. warning these are kind of long and extremely unedited/bad LOL
mixed up
fandom/pairing: enhypen, jay/jungwon
premise: college au where jaywon do not "get along" at first and jay isn't used to anyone disliking him... but it's actually just jungwon trying to hide that he Likes jay... yeah you get it
It takes a while for Jay to catch on, but once he does it’s so glaringly obvious that he wonders how he didn’t notice earlier: Jungwon hates him.
Or, perhaps hate is too strong of a word. Maybe something like “mild dislike” or “slight distaste” would suit Jungwon better, though truth be told Jay’s never been good with subtle emotions like that.
Either way, Jungwon definitely doesn’t like him. He does a decent job of hiding it--politely excusing himself whenever Jay runs into him and Sunghoon at the dining hall, seating himself at the periphery of Jay’s vision whenever their mutual friends decide to eat out together, so quietly unobtrusive in his avoidance that it had taken months for Jay to realize.
Jay can’t help but admire Jungwon, honestly; when he dislikes someone, he can’t help but be a mess of gritting teeth and clashing heads, loud and outspoken. In contrast, Jungwon is mild--Jay would call him shy, but he’s seen Jungwon tease the hell out of Heeseung and he knows that awkwardness is reserved for him and him only--and distant. It makes Jay wonder where the hell he went wrong.
His first meeting with Jungwon--or, to be technical about it, Jay’s first meeting with Jungwon that he remembers--hadn’t been too bad, in his opinion. Heeseung and Taehyun had gotten it into their heads to go for karaoke a couple weeks into the beginning of semester, and they’d all brought some of the new freshmen they’d befriended: Sunoo from Taehyun’s Writing and Composition class, Jake from Kai’s fraternity, and Sunghoon from just down the hall in Jay’s dorm.
Jay recalls the moment clearly. Beomgyu had been in the middle of some outrageously depressing Sasha Sloan song--it’s never fun getting older--and the lights were all dimmed low, everyone’s faces cast in shades of red and orange from the television screen. They all crammed together on the couches, Jay in between Sunoo and Sunghoon. He’d been glancing off to the side, starting to become mildly aware of the flirting he was caught in the middle of, when Heeseung finally arrived--fashionably (or just annoyingly) late, as per usual--with another boy in tow. The star freshman in his a cappella group that Heeseung had been raving about for the past week.
“This is Jungwon,” Heeseung said with a shiny flash of teeth. Right off the bat, Jay knew something was--different. For starters, when Jungwon glanced around the room, his eyes immediately widened once he saw Jay. And more than that, Jungwon looked familiar, in a way that Jay couldn’t quite put a finger on.
Heeseung proceeded to introduce Jungwon to everyone one by one: this is Taehyun, he’s part of the other a cappella group, and he also… and so on.
But when Heeseung finally got around to Jay, Jungwon interrupted Heeseung before he could say anything. Jay looked up, and he could practically see the whole this is Jay, my best friend and mutual disaster spiel getting stopped in its tracks by Jungwon’s small hand resting on Heeseung’s shoulder.
“I know Jay,” Jungwon said. He looked at Heeseung the entire time as he spoke, and Jay watched as orange shadows danced across his cheeks. “We went to the same high school.”
Jay frowned, caught in between blurting something out like I swear I would’ve remembered you If we went to the same school or just blatantly lying to save face. Jungwon didn’t give him a choice either way, turning on his heel to sit across the room, beside Jake.
And Jay had resolved to clear things up once karaoke finished, had Jungwon on his mind even as Taehyun and Heeseung dueted Smash Mouth’s “All Star,” but as soon as the lights turned back on Jungwon had vanished. A first meeting that had left Jay with so many unanswered questions, a mystery on the tip of his tongue. Jay’s always been about things--when he was younger, he’d pester his father with all kinds of nonsensical questions--but this, perhaps, is the first time Jay’s interested in a new sort of question. The question of a person.
Jay forgets about Jungwon after a couple of days, though. It’s not like their paths cross that often--Jay being a busy sophomore, juggling a UROP and his little coffee shop gig with Soeun on top of his normal coursework--and a few weeks pass before Jay spots Jungwon again. Jay’s just walking across the quad, and Jungwon’s in his direct line of sight--head slightly down, hair tucked under a soft-looking beanie, seeming as serene and aloof as he had back at the karaoke place.
Normally Jay wouldn’t hesitate to smile and say hi--Jungwon’s a friend of Heeseung, Heeseung’s little baby tenor from the sounds of it, and anyone who’s his best friend’s friend should be his friend, right? But he hesitates, for some strange reason, and when Jungwon glances up and sees him Jay’s just staring right back at him like a complete idiot.
Jay raises his hand in an aborted wave, but before he can commit to it Jungwon’s gaze passes right over him, staring straight ahead instead. As if he’d never even seen Jay, as if Jay is some stranger to him.
So instead of waving, Jay runs a hand through his hair and laughs to himself. He can feel the embarrassment burning in his chest, quiet and shameful because obviously no one else gives a fuck but he still does.
There are plenty of reasons to ignore someone in broad daylight, Jay knows. Maybe Jungwon was rushing to class--though he seemed to be walking at a leisurely pace--or perhaps Jungwon had been too lost in thought, too out of it, to recognize him--even though he’d managed just fine in the darkness of the karaoke room. He’d parroted these same points to Sunoo just last week after Sunoo had accosted him with a bright smile, accusing him of ignoring him in public.
But Sunoo is Sunoo, and Jay--while prone to embarrassment and mishaps--isn’t that shameless. And more than that, he simply doesn’t care enough.
So he continues walking to his next lecture, wills the memory to slip from his mind.
And that’s it, for a while. Jay loses himself in the daily grind, the weekly rush of problem sets and essay assignments, until soon enough he’s just a couple days away from Thanksgiving break. His exams are all over, and his flight home is booked for Sunday--so when Heeseung turns to him that Friday night, eyes bright and smile set in certainty, Jay already knows he’ll say yes to whatever Heeseung has to offer. Today, it’s a party at Kai’s frat.
“Are Taehyun and the others coming?” Jay asks as he gets ready. He fusses with his hair in front of the mirror, more for his own comfort than anything else--he knows that brushing out his same choppy bangs doesn’t actually change how he looks, but it relaxes him--and expects the usual answer.
Sure enough, Heeseung replies with, “Yeah, of course.” Then he begins to count their friends off on his fingers. “Taehyun, Beomgyu, Sunghoon, Jungwon--”
Jay’s brush slips out of his grip, clattering to the counter loudly. Heeseung turns to stare at him. With slow blinks, Heeseung’s eyes dart between Jay’s face and the brush just barely out of his grasp.
Jay meets his gaze. “You were saying?”
Heeseung hesitates a second before rolling his eyes. “Whatever, you know the deal.”
Indeed, it’s the same as usual. Within a couple of minutes of arriving, he loses Heeseung in between the press of people, that claustrophobic crowdedness that’s partly exhilarating and partly annoying. Taehyun and Jake find him, though, and it isn’t long before Jay’s pleasantly buzzed, the type of alcohol-fueled warmth that’s more psychological than real.
Taehyun’s the one to drag him into dancing, and Jay loses track of time laughing by Jake’s side, all fumbling limbs as they try--and fail--to match whatever Taehyun’s up to. The music’s so loud that it reverberates through his bones like the tremors of a low-level earthquake, more a feeling than sound. Everything’s too much feeling, now: the nearby warmth of other humans that shouldn’t feel like a tangible presence, the drops of sweat he can feel running down his forehead. That, in part, is precisely why it takes so damn long for Jay to realize his phone is vibrating against his side in the first place.
It’s Heeseung. Jay answers the call, nodding goodbye to Jake and Taehyun before he starts to weave out of the crowd. There’s no hope in trying to listen to whatever Heeseung’s saying until he gets somewhere more quiet, and it’s only when he reaches the kitchen that Jay realizes.
“--this was the only number, and I wasn’t sure who else to call,” an unfamiliar voice is saying. Or--not wholly unfamiliar, something about his tone seemingly recognizable. “But, um, yeah.”
“Wait, hold on a second,” Jay replies. “Who is this? I couldn’t hear anything you were saying.” When the guy on the other end of the line doesn’t respond for a moment, Jay continues, pulse starting to pound. “Oh my god. Did something happen to Heeseung?”
“It’s Jungwon. Nothing bad happened to him, I think.” Jungwon’s voice is paradoxically self-assured yet tinged with something slightly panicked, nervous. “We’re in the bathroom, upstairs and to the left?”
Oh, just the usual, then. Jay sighs in relief. “I’ll be right there,” he says before hanging up. It’s not as if Heeseung makes a habit of getting trashed at every party he goes to, but Jay’s dragged him home--drunk and stumbling--more often than not.
Heeseung’s sitting on the floor of the bathroom when Jay opens the door. Jungwon’s hovering over him, wide-eyed and earnest, a glass of water in his hands.
“Drink this,” Jungwon is saying. His earrings glint shiny and silver in the dim light, bright and eye-catching. “It’ll make you feel better, right--” He startles when Jay bursts into the room. “Oh. Jay.”
“Thanks for calling me,” Jay directs toward Jungwon. He fixes a look at Heeseung, then, and rolls his eyes.
“You owe me, you asshole,” he says bluntly, aware that Heeseung likely won’t remember any of this tomorrow. “Now drink the water.”
Heeseung giggles at him, but at least becomes a little more complacent as he takes sips of water from the cup cradled in Jungwon’s palms. All is silent for a moment, save for the soft sounds of Heeseung swallowing. Or, not silent--Jay’s aware of the party going on beyond the bathroom door, muffled and distant like a far off dream.
Jungwon refuses to look at him, even still. He just watches over Heeseung’s face instead, and the unspoken tenderness there--it tugs at something in Jay’s chest.
“He’ll be okay, right?” Jungwon asks, frowning slightly. “He threw up twice.”
“Well, he’ll probably feel like ass tomorrow,” Jay says. He starts to reach for Heeseung, helping him up and looping one of his arms around his neck. “But that’s only expected.”
Heeseung groans, almost about to topple off of Jay; Jungwon stabilizes the two of them with a steady palm, then steps away once again. He moves like someone constantly aware of the distances he’s supposed to keep, a far cry from the casual platonic intimacy Jay’s used to.
Jay sighs. Why is everything so fucking awkward around Jungwon?
“Thanks for looking after him,” Jay offers with a smile. “And calling me, too. It’s a lot to deal with at your first party--it’s your first, right?”
Jungwon nods. “When I called,” he says. “I didn’t realize you…” He doesn’t continue. “Nevermind.”
Jay blinks at him for a second. Maybe if he were closer to Jungwon, he’d press further. Maybe he’d laugh and ask Jungwon, come on, man, what were you about to say? But spending even this small amount of time with Jungwon, crammed into this dingy bathroom with Heeseung’s head lolling against his neck, has clued Jay into the fact that this is different.
“We should probably get going,” Jay tells him. Before he can hesitate any further, he reaches out with his free hand--the one without a death grip on Heeseung--and pats Jungwon’s shoulder. “Thanks again. Seriously.”
“It’s nothing,” Jungwon insists.
And maybe it is. Maybe it should be that way.
Autumn’s setting in earlier than usual this year, and the stumble back to their dorm room is invaded by a slight chill. Heeseung clings to him, warm and bony, and Jay holds on tight all the while. He doesn’t think about the sharp glimmer of Jungwon’s earrings. That wide-eyed worriedness Jay had taken to so easily.
Jay's sitting in the library with Jake and Sunghoon, trying to get a start on his weekly pset, when Jake's giggle across the table catches his attention. He looks up from his Overleaf tab, raises his eyebrows in question.
Jake shows whatever's on his screen to Sunghoon first, broad bright smile peeking through, before holding it out to Jay. "Jungwon sent me this," Jake says by way of explanation. "Isn't it insane?"
Jay's ashamed to admit it, but he doesn't exactly register the meme at first. He leans forward, elbow digging into the edge of his laptop, and glances at the surrounding conversation instead--it's not much, just Jungwon's curt lol this was funny before he'd attached the image, but it's still something Jay is missing out on.
"You guys are close," Jay says, voice sounding strange to his own ears. A statement more than a question, some sick sort of realization settling on him.
Jake exchanges a look with Sunghoon. "I mean, it's Jungwon," he says, shrugging as if it's nothing. "He's chill."
It reminds Jay of when he'd get caught outside in the rain back home, that clammy back-sticking discomfort he'd try so valiantly to ignore. A small part of him had assumed that Jungwon’s standoffishness was directed towards most people. Instead he’s faced with two examples pointing toward the opposite. Jay likes feeling special, but never quite like this.
Sunghoon frowns. "I mean--are you not--?" He seems genuinely perplexed by the conversation, as if it's unfathomable that two of his mutual friends could struggle to be friends with each other. "You just haven't met him yet, right?"
Jay sighs heavily, settles back into his chair. "Nevermind," he says, absentmindedly rubbing at his elbow.
"Just go up to him and start a conversation," Jake continues. His eyes are wide and well-meaning, full of misplaced optimism. Jay wishes he'd had that type of conviction last weekend--maybe, then, he would've broken that awkwardness between him and Jungwon. "You're, like, really easy to talk to--it'll be fine."
That's the thing, Jay wants to tell Jake, even as he accepts Jake's words with a tight nod. "Yeah, you're right." He's used to words flowing naturally, conversation as natural to him as breathing.
In that sense, Jungwon makes him feel like he's drowning--gasping for air, grasping at something that's normally so easy.
It's stupid. Jay knows, intellectually, that it's not possible to get along with everyone--that it's okay for other people to dislike him. But there's a cognitive dissonance between the Jungwon he spots on the quad laughing with Sunoo and Seongmin and the boy who'd been avoiding his gaze so steadfastly last weekend. It's not a big deal, but paradoxically, Jay's making it into one.
Jay wills his attention back to the problem set at hand. Somehow those questions seem more approachable now, in lieu of whatever he's said to Jake and Sunghoon.
For all Jay doesn't talk about Jungwon, he still thinks of him occasionally, in passing fragments that drift away dreamlike. And when he returns home for Thanksgiving break, laying around in his adolescent bedroom surrounded by the paraphernalia of a life he'd lived two years ago, it only takes a couple hours before he succumbs to his urges. He digs through his bookshelf--crammed with Rick Riordan novels and comic books--and tugs out his yearbook. A couple of page-flips and he's staring at the Class of 2021, fresh-faced and newly ugly in the way only sixteen-year-olds can be. Another page turned, and sure enough, Jungwon's bland little school photo stares right back at him.
Jay wonders, for a second, if Jungwon avoids him because of something he did in high school. A reckless prank in senior year, some offhand comment he'd never given a second thought. Just as quickly, though, he pushes that thought out of his mind.
They’d never even spoke to each other--their paths never crossed. So surely not, right?
After that, Jay can’t stop himself from wanting to know more. Every conversation, every encounter with Jungwon has left him in more confusion than before. So instead he learns of Jungwon in bits and fragments, small crumbs of information littered casually in his everyday conversations with others.
Perhaps it’s because he can’t know anything of Jungwon firsthand, but things just seem to stick. It’s not anything important, of course, just the general things any acquaintance could learn from osmosis--that Jungwon is a tenor, that Jungwon’s struggling a little bit in his Intro to Chem class, that Jungwon prefers less sugar and more ice when he orders bubble tea.
It’s not intentional--at least not at first--but Jay finds himself recalling and seeking out those small details despite his own conscious intentions. And it brings him further than he expects:
“You know,” Sunoo says thoughtfully, in between sips of his latte, “I think you’re the only one who willingly listens to me complain about my day.”
Jay rolls his eyes. “What, would you rather I didn’t listen?” He makes a move to put his earbuds in, reaching for the wire connected to his phone, but Sunoo’s cold hand stops him before he can.
“I never said that,” Sunoo protests, letting go of Jay’s forearm. He leans back in his chair, smiling with a calculated edge to it. There’s always been a hidden sharpness to Sunoo, something iron-wrought underneath all of that smiling cheerfulness, that had scared Jay off at first.
But Jay, for all of his jabs, likes grabbing coffee with Sunoo after lecture, doesn’t mind letting Sunoo talk for once instead of running his own mouth. It totally doesn’t have to do with the fact that half of Sunoo’s complaints have to do with having Jungwon as a roommate--not actual ill-willed talk, but more like, Sunoo rolling his eyes fondly at Jungwon’s antics. No relation between those two things whatsoever, actually.
“Sometimes I just wonder what you want, is all,” Sunoo muses. “You always look like you’re searching for something.”
“Wow.” Jay barks out a laugh at that. He doesn’t know what he’d say, what he’d spell out to make himself seem just a slightest bit more sane. Searching for something? All he wants is answers.
“Believe me, whatever I’m looking for,” he continues--as if he’s on an actual search for something, a means to an end, instead of just stumbling through a maze blindfolded--evenly, “it definitely isn’t anything from you.”
Sunoo aside, though, Jay really does try not to let anything bleed out too much to his other friends. He doesn’t bring up Jungwon to Jake or Sunghoon--that first conversation had been awkward enough. Jay makes sure to skirt around the subject with Heeseung, too--his best friend can read him like no one else can.
Besides, Jay has his limits. He hasn’t follow-requested Jungwon on Instagram, nor have they friended each other on Facebook. Jungwon might as well be an absolute stranger to Jay by most metrics. All metrics, honestly.
That’s what Jay’s realizing as they all play Truth or Dare tonight, at least. Midterms are over, spring is finally on the horizon, and they’re all clustered at Beomgyu’s apartment. Jay’s crushed in between Sunghoon and Heeseung on the couch--grateful that he isn’t sandwiched amidst Sunoo and Sunghoon like what had happened last time--as he looks on.
It’s all tame stuff at first--Sunghoon admitting he hooked up with some soprano from Heeseung’s a cappella group, Taehyun pressing a kiss to Sunghoon’s flustered pink cheek, Sunoo “daring” (is it a dare if he’s enthusiastic about it?) to dance to some Twice song for a solid thirty seconds. Then Sunoo choses Jungwon for the target of his next move, and that--if that never happened, then Jay thinks that maybe the quality of his life, overall, might have improved by a significant amount. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, or whatnot.
Regardless: Jay doesn’t know what’s coming for him.
Sunoo turns to Jungwon, smiles pleasantly at him. For two roommates, they don’t seem quite so close. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare,” Jungwon says after deliberating for a couple of moments--eyebrows frowned in thought, careful and deliberate about his choices.
It’s a reasonable move, Jay’s thinking, until--
Sunoo’s grin turns wicked. “Kiss the cutest person in the room.”
Jungwon blinks at that, startled. Heeseung and Jake laugh, too, a little surprised. Jungwon’s the youngest of them, the one who gets a little bit babied, and it's more than any of them could have expected to get requested.
Jay--Jay just watches. Jungwon looks around the room, makes eye contact with Jay for a second. Jay has half a mind to turn around, to check if there’s someone behind him that Jungwon had been glancing at instead, but it’s a blink-and-miss-it sort of occurrence yet again. Everything with Jungwon seeming almost like a momentary hallucination, something that doesn’t exist in normal reality.
“You can kiss me,” Jake’s saying with an exaggerated wink. How cheesy, Jay thinks with a bit of derision, as Jungwon laughs at Jake’s silly smile.
Jungwon turns to face Sunoo. “Can I pass?” he asks. “I just have to take a shot, right?”
“Drink a shot, yeah,” Sunoo says.
Jungwon glances over at Jay, again, and it doesn’t seem intentional at all--eyes flitting back to Sunoo’s face as he realizes, the action almost unbidden, like metal particles drifting to a magnet.
Jay leans into Heeseung’s side and wonders if he’s just delusional. And the game moves on, easy as that.
But Jay can’t move on, not exactly. He finds himself bringing it up as he walks back to the dorms with Heeseung, inhibitions lowered by alcohol and curiosity getting the better of him.
“When Jungwon got dared to kiss someone,” Jay begins. He’s still clinging onto Heeseung’s arm--it’s cold, so late at night, and Jay had underdressed for the weather like usual--and Heeseung’s shoulder nudges against him when Heeseung stops walking.
“Yeah?” Heeseung replies. Earlier he had seemed as tipsy as Jay, smiling wide-mouthed with an eager glimmer in his eyes, loose with his movements instead of self-regulating like usual. Now, he seems sharp. As sharp as Sunoo’s smile back at the cafe, heightened awareness.
Or maybe that’s just Jay, when it comes to Jungwon.
“He could have just kissed Sunoo or Jake.” Jay’s basically thinking aloud at this point. “Right?”
“Right.” Heeseung bites on his bottom lip. He’s worried, Jay realizes, and it’s a little infuriating that Jay doesn’t know the cause. It’s cold and dark and Jay just wants answers to his questions.
“Do you,” Jay says. He finds himself gripping tighter onto Heeseung’s arm. Heeseung doesn’t throw him off--he’s never been phased by his intensity, even when Jay knows he’s too much. “Do you think… Jungwon likes anyone?”
Heeseung sighs. Then, with his free hand, the one not currently trapped between Jay’s arms, he pats the side of Jay’s cheek.
“Let’s not talk about this,” he says with an unreadable look on his face. Then, quieter, even more mysterious, he adds: “You’ll know when he’s ready.”
Here’s the thing: Jay hadn’t even framed this whole Jungwon situation within the lens of romantic attraction. But now that he’s thinking about it--now that he has the memory of Sunoo saying kiss the cutest person in the room and Jungwon glancing over at him--Jay wonders. Briefly, for a couple moments, he entertains thoughts of Jungwon choosing him, striding over to him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
And then Jay comes to his senses, because, what? He’s incapable of holding a proper conversation with Jungwon, yet he’s attracted to him? It almost doesn’t make sense at first.
Jay manages to hold off on those thoughts for a while, at least. Weeks pass and spring semester continues. Soeun and him get a raise at their coffee shop gig, probably because Soeun’s looks--and vocals--are starting to attract more customers. Jay secures a research opportunity for the summer, working on campus in the meteorology lab. He starts changing the conversation topic whenever Jungwon is mentioned instead of accumulating even more knowledge about the guy like some sort of pack rat.
In short: Jay has his defenses up, determined to move on with his life. But it’s when he’s least expecting it that he caves.
Heeseung’s a capella group uploads a video onto Facebook, a promotional clip for the end-of-year showcase, and Jay watches it, and--
And Jungwon has a solo. Sweet and clear-voiced, sounding so lovely as he sings through the mashup of [INSERT-SONG] that Heeseung had so carefully arranged.
Then one thing leads to another, and the next thing Jay knows he’s already watched through all of their live performances over the past school year. He’s such a supportive friend to Heeseung, huh. He even tries typing in the name of his high school’s choir into the Youtube search bar, clicking on some random parent’s upload, and feels mildly horrified when he spots Jungwon in the tenor section two minutes in.
How had he never noticed Jungwon before, is what he’s wondering now. What’s worse is that Jungwon’s still awkward with him, closed off.
"Wait, what are you saying?" Jay says, disbelieving. He blinks his eyes rapidly, the winter wind stinging against his retinas regardless. "You can't be serious, Heeseung." He's carrying Heeseung's car keys in his hand, is practically minutes away from starting the car so that they can drive upstate together.
"I'm only going to be a couple hours late!" Heeseung protests over the phone, his voice tinny and digitized to Jay's ears. "Sunghoon said he could fit another, it's fine."
Jay glances over at Jungwon, who's waiting in front of the car with his hands in his pockets. Jungwon's winter coat makes his shoulders even broader than they normally are.
"But," Jay begins, a bit more panicked and hushed than before. "You're just going to leave me--"
"Come on, you're a better driver than I am," Heeseung interrupts, sounding a little exasperated. "It's all highway driving, too, you'll be fine."
That isn't what Jay's worried about. You're just going to leave me with Jungwon? he thinks but doesn't say. Heeseung knows him so well--knows him without words, at times, can intuit his feelings with just a look. But Heeseung can't see him right now.
"Listen, I need to finish this project up for real," Heeseung continues. "I'll be there before you know it, 'kay?" He hangs up after that, leaves Jay standing out there in the cold, untethered. The only things Jay has to look forward to are two hours in a car alone with Jungwon, a guy he's never said more than a single sentence to for the five months that they've known of each other. You'll be fine, everyone told him.
"Oh my god," Jay mumbles under his breath. Then he squares his shoulders, straightens his spine a little before turning to Jungwon.
"Heeseung's going to be driving up with the others," Jay says. "Guess it's just us, huh?"
Jay expects some distaste, some low-level discomfort to manifest across Jungwon's face. But Jungwon doesn't seem to mind, surprisingly enough--he blinks rapidly in surprise for a couple of moments before his features relax and he shrugs. "Alright," he replies simply.
Driving alone with Jungwon is an unexpected wrench to this whole... situation that Jay hadn't ever anticipated. He has half a mind to do as Jake suggested, to start a conversation, but Jungwon just stares out the car window as Jay navigates to the nearest highway. He tries, briefly, and it's like trying to start a fire in the middle of a rainstorm.
"Is there anything you want to play?" Jay prompts. He gestures to the stereo, taking a minute to dig out the cable that can connect to a phone.
Jungwon pauses for much longer than normal. "I'm fine with anything," he says, turning to face Jay as he replies.
Jay raises his eyebrows. "Seriously?" he asks, one side of his mouth lifting up in a smile.
“Seriously.”
"So you're telling me that you'd be cool with me blasting some metal?"
He thinks he might've seen a flash of a smile, some small glimmer of amusement, but in truth Jungwon turns his face away again before Jay can clock an actual reaction.
It's--frustrating, to say the least. Jay's received the message by now: Jungwon doesn't want to be friends with him. But it's not impossible to try and get along, right? He'd made fast friends with Jake and Sunghoon this year, had fallen in just as quickly with Taehyun and Heeseung as a freshman. But even someone like Sunoo, as different from him as he can possibly think of, Jay enjoys spending time with (in controlled doses, preferably after at least eight hours of sleep. He's still human).
Jay counts the exits as he passes them by--one, two, five. He has managed to pass ten such signs before he finally caves in, says what he’s been longing yet dreading to say all this while.
“Look,” he begins slowly, eyes still on the highway ahead of him. It stretches out indefinitely, it seems, some sort of path with no end in sight. “I know you don’t like me, but let’s at least try to get along, okay?”
Jay can’t help but wince just slightly after I know you don’t like me leaves his mouth. He’s used to bluntness, prefers it even, but that doesn’t mean that the truth’s rough edges don’t rub the wrong way against the soft surface of his heart from time to time.
He’s glad he can’t see Jungwon completely, for once. In the corner of his vision Jungwon faces him again, a slight movement, but he doesn’t say anything more.
Jay holds his breath, waits for the other shoe to drop. Or will Jungwon continue to offer nothing but infuriating blankness--
“It’s not that I don’t like you,” Jungwon states. It sounds like the beginning of a sentence without a proper closure, a thought left unfinished. Even so, Jungwon doesn’t add anything more.
Jay waits, a little expectant. “Well?” he prompts after another exit passes by. It’s a good barometer for restraining his impatience, his insatiable curiosity. “What is it, then?”
Jay glances over at Jungwon, then. Jungwon stares out the window again, shaking his head slowly.
A couple minutes later, the silence is flooded with music--Jungwon finally caving and plugging his phone into the aux. Jungwon chooses to play sweet, inoffensive songs, the sort of Spotify-core lofi that only a real asshole would be opposed to listening to.
Message received, then. Jay’s mind is swimming with questions, drowning in confusion, the soft music his only lifeline and distraction.
They don’t talk for the rest of the car ride.
Heeseung, in the end of it all, is the one to force the pieces into motion. Hours later, when they’ve finished eating dinner and are just chilling at the airbnb on the couches. Heeseung’s arm is thrown over Jungwon’s shoulder, eyes careful as he says, “Jay, aren’t you staying on campus for the summer?”
“Yeah, why?” Jay replies.
Heeseung smiles. “Jungwon is, too.”
“What about everyone else?” Jungwon asks. At least he isn’t avoiding Jay’s eye contact now, at least not completely, the corners of his lips lifting up in a small smile. And, oh--Jungwon’s dimples. Wow. Jay blinks a little, tunes into the rest of the conversation.
It’s mostly things that Jay already knows: Sunghoon heading to the west coast with Jake and Taehyun, Sunoo going out to the midwest. Heeseung to Korea, Beomgyu upstate. They’re the only two in the city for the summer, out of their small group of friends.
Eventually they all disperse to their rooms, getting ready for bed. Jay’s rooming with Heeseung--what else is new?--and sets his things aside before changing into his pajamas, the ones patterned with little taiyaki, and tying his hair out of his face. He heads to the bathroom, then, ready to brush his teeth, and--
And Jungwon’s in front of the sink, splashing water onto his face. Jay usually isn’t that fazed by his pajamas, but something about the way Jungwon raises his eyebrows in the mirror at him--god, Jay can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.
This time, he’s the one avoiding eye contact.
Once Jungwon’s finished, while Jay diligently puts toothpaste onto his brush, Jungwon turns to him.
“This summer,” Jungwon starts. “We should hang out.” It’s as if he’s trying to prove he doesn’t dislike Jay, or something.
Jay has half a mind to snort at Jungwon, to tell him there’s no need to be facetious.
“What’s changing your mind all of a sudden?” Jay asks. He starts brushing his teeth.
Jungwon doesn’t look at him directly nor through the mirror, eyes downcast instead. “Honestly, what you said in the car.”
There’s a minute or so of awkward silence after that, Jungwon looking at him so expectantly while Jay just tries to finish up his normal night routine.
“I’m going to be honest too, then,” Jay starts. “I don’t get you.”
Jungwon’s face falls, just imperceptibly, but for someone who spends a lot of time staring at Jungwon’s face it isn’t that difficult to notice.
“But I want to,” Jay continues, all direct. The only way he knows how to operate. “Okay?”
Jungwon nods, looking infinitely more relieved. And maybe, just maybe, Jay can count this all as a success.
Jungwon’s the one to send him a Facebook friend request first, in the end. He sends Jay a short message a couple days after they finish up their trip, curt and to the point: we’re friends now, right?
And, maybe it’s more like: Jay’s incapable of talking to Jungwon because he’s attracted to him.
That’s what he’s thinking when he spots Jungwon at the library one afternoon. It’s the one Jay rarely goes to because of how popular it is, the tables crowded and nearly every outlet taken up by someone’s damned Macbook charging cable. He’d thought a change of scenery would be nice, a good way to get himself out of the work rut he’s had lately.
There’s a chair open across from Jungwon. Jay stands, a couple tables away, and just looks for a moment. His ears ring with the phantom of Jungwon’s voice from the Youtube videos he’d watched just days ago. As awkward as that car ride confrontation had been, they are a little more comfortable with each other now.
Fuck it. Jay strides forward, slides into the chair as if it’s nothing. Jungwon glances up, taking note of his presence, and he smiles tentatively. It’s like the first sign of greenery after months of snow, an indication of some sort of thawing. It warms him down to the marrow in his bones.
Maybe they’re getting somewhere.
to your side again
fandom/pairing: enhypen, jay/jungwon
premise: uhh i don't even know. i think jungwon thinks that they're dating but jay thinks that they're just friends???
Sometimes the hardest part of a story is deciding where to start. And Jongseong's never been good at deciding on things--not when it took him three days to decide his Discord username, and even longer to figure out that he'd been in love with--well, he'll get to that part.
But, if Jongseong would have to choose a day that things changed, that started the chain of precipitous events that leads to the now of Jungwon and him, then it would have to be this:
"There, I think we're finally finished," Heeseung says, setting down the last box. He wipes his hands on his jeans and checks his phone. "Listen, Jungwon-ah--I gotta run to a capella rehearsals, but Jongseong can help with everything else."
When Jungwon told Heeseung and him that he'd be attending their college, they both insisted on helping him settle into campus and move into the dorms. For nostalgia's sake, Jongseong supposes. Heeseung's still his best friend after all this time, even if he and Jungwon had grown apart over the years.
"Okay, hyung," Jungwon replies. His back is turned to both of them as he sorts through an open suitcase. It might just be Jongseong, but his shoulders seem even broader than they used to be. Over the past two years, Jungwon has grown up without Jongseong really paying attention to it--between holiday breaks and brief katalk conversations--and it's almost surreal to see this new version of him.
Heeseung mouths take care at Jongseong, then leaves, shutting the door behind him.
Jongseong stares down at the box he's carrying. It's filled to the brim with different English novels, most of the titles of which he doesn't even recognize. When did Jungwon get so interested in literature?
Suddenly the quiet that fills in with Heeseung's absence feels a little unbearable. Jongseong doesn't do well with awkward silences, always feels the need to say something, so this time, he does: "I'm so glad we're going to the same university, Jungwon-ah."
Jungwon turns around to face him then. "Me too, hyung," he replies. He rubs the back of his neck. "You know you can set the box on the ground, right?"
"Oh, right." Jongseong places the crate of books down on the floor, and while he's bent over, he adds, "Now we can see each other, just like you always wanted."
He looks up after a couple of moments. Jungwon's staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face, arms crossed over his chest.
"You remember?" Jungwon says finally.
Jongseong laughs at that. "How could I not?" Over the past year, their closing messages to each other had consisted of a good deal of good luck on your studies!! hang in there!! on Jongseong's part and thanks hyung, hopefully i'll study with you and heeseung-hyung next year ^^ on Jungwon's side. "You're still my favorite dongsaeng, you know," he adds.
Jungwon seems to relax at that, smiling at Jongseong tentatively. "No, I'm just your favorite," he says confidently.
At least one thing hasn't changed: Jungwon's still the cutest person Jongseong knows. "Maybe," he replies, rolling his eyes. He resists the urge to wrap Jungwon in a hug and just pats his shoulder instead.
After that, helping Jungwon organize everything in his dorm room isn't awkward at all. It doesn't take long for Jungwon to start teasing him again--hyung, stop being so particular about how the books are organized, I don't care--and soon an hour, two hours, pass by quickly.
"Wait, hyung," Jungwon calls, just as Jongseong's about to leave.
Jongseong pauses by the door. "Yeah?"
Jungwon bites down on his lower lip, seemingly worried for a moment, before he steps forward to hug Jongseong. "I missed you," he says against Jongseong's shoulder.
Like this, Jongseong's aware of the few centimeters Jungwon has over him, how this Jungwon is impossibly familiar yet new to him all the same. "Me too," Jongseong replies.
--
Here's the issue: Jongseong spends the first couple weeks of semester familiarizing himself with this new version of Jungwon--making Jungwon familiar to the new sides of him, as well--that it takes him a while to catch onto the fact that something else has changed between the two of them.
It starts with the hand holding. Now, Jongseong's no stranger to physical affection--back when he was in high school, he'd be the one to reach out to Jungwon for a hug or a friendly slap on the butt--yet he still finds it surprising the first time Jungwon grasps his hand.
They're walking back from the convenience store, late at night, and Jungwon's in the middle of telling a story about a choir performance gone wrong when he does it--just reaches out and grabs his hand and continues talking as if nothing happened.
As for Jongseong, well, he needs a bit of a moment to adjust. He doesn't remember Jungwon being so touchy, but it's honestly kind of nice, feeling the warmth of Jungwon's palm against his. It's a chilly night, and Jungwon's touch cuts through all of that.
"Hyung?" Jungwon asks, stopping in his tracks. He blinks over at Jongseong, clearly unaware of Jongseong's inner turmoil. "Were you even listening to what I was saying?"
"Um, yeah," Jongseong replies. "Totally."
Jungwon laughs. "You were totally zoned out, hyung," he says. With his other hand--you know, the one that isn't holding Jongseong's--he pokes Jongseong's cheek. "Maybe you need to sleep more than I thought."
"I'm still awake enough to beat you at FIFA," Jongseong replies. His phone buzzes loudly. "See, that's probably Heeseung-hyung asking where we are. Let's head back fast."
Jungwon doesn't let go until they've reached his apartment, until they've finally stepped through the door where Heeseung and Riki are waiting for them. Jongseong tries not to overthink it, though. After all, there's nothing wrong with holding hands with the bros. Right?
--
from: jungwon
hey hyung
are you free to go shopping this saturday?
to: jungwon
Sure
Is it just for clothes
from: jungwon
yeah
wanted some advice from the rock-chic himself ;)
to: jungwon
Never mind I'm not free!!
I don't appreciate this baseless SLANDER.
from: jungwon
its not slander i promise :')
to: jungwon
Yeah right
from: jungwon
come on please hyung i need your help
to: jungwon
What time?
--
It's no secret that Jongseong likes clothes, likes shopping in general. Among his closest friends, Heeseung is more of a "dad shirt of the week" type of guy when it comes to his fashion sense, and Jake is equally hopeless. But going to the nearest shopping center with Jungwon is different--Jungwon actually has an idea of what he's looking to buy, and mostly just asks Jongseong for his opinion while deciding between two similar items of clothing.
"I'm trying to have a better sense of style," Jungwon tells him while they're checking out at a store. "I'm in college now, so might as well, right?"
"Yeah, that makes sense," Jongseong replies. "It's the best time to try new things." New things, he thinks, and that sparks an idea within him.
So after Jungwon has gone through his run of stores--he buys mostly comfortable and functional clothes, soft cardigans and sweatshirts, aside from an incomprehensibly huge winter jacket that leaves Jongseong speechless for a couple of seconds--Jongseong brings him to his favorite shop. It's an urban streetwear brand, the type of place that he doubts Jungwon has stepped inside before. Clean lines and relaxed silhouettes and a mix of bright colors.
"Choose something to try on," Jongseong tells him.
"Uh," Jungwon looks around, clearly skeptical. "I don't know if your rock-chic style is for me."
"Yah, when will you stop bringing that up," Jongseong groans. Ever since he and Kai formed a “rock band” for the school festival during their second year of high school, it’s been a constant source of amusement for Heeseung, Jungwon, and their other mutual friends.
Jongseong looks around the racks for something that might suit Jungwon, and spots the perfect thing--a blue graphic t-shirt. "This isn't--agh, whatever. Just take this and try it, okay?"
As expected, it looks great on Jungwon. Jongseong tells him as much. He chose just the perfect thing, really, considering that Jungwon doesn't even protest that much when he decides to buy it for him.
"Hyung's treat," Jongseong says by way of explanation.
Jungwon's resulting smile is so bright. It reminds him of the summers they'd spend together, before all their free time had been taken up by hagwons and other obligations--he'd always try to buy Jungwon a popsicle stick, and Jungwon would refuse, but he'd just end up taking half of Jongseong's anyway.
Yeah, Jongseong gets too sentimental sometimes.
"Where to next?" Jungwon asks when they step out of that last store. He’s holding onto Jongseong’s hand again, but Jongseong himself doesn’t even realize until they walk a couple more meters down the hallway and he spots Park Sunghoon from across the way.
He makes eye contact with them, waving, and Jongseong lets go of Jungwon’s hand. He wouldn’t want Sunghoon to misinterpret things. Sunghoon, unlike Jongseong, definitely does not hold hands with the bros. Unless the bro in question is Jake Shim (Sunghoon’s best friend, soulmate, whatever--Jongseon isn’t jealous or anything) or Kang Minhee (Sunghoon’s boyfriend).
Sunghoon’s with said boyfriend right now, but he leaves Minhee outside of another store and walks toward them instead.
“Hey, what’s up?” Sunghoon asks. He’s eyeing the two of them with an odd look on his face--and listen, Jongseong knows Sunghoon makes a habit of being as blank-faced as possible, but even he can sense when Sunghoon isn’t settling on his ten default facial expressions.
“Jungwon dragged me out for some shopping,” Jongseong says.
“I didn’t drag you--”
Sunghoon raises his eyebrows. “Knowing you, I’d expect it to be the other way around.”
Jongseong shrugs. “What can I say, my expertise is unmatched.” He turns to Jungwon, who just rolls his eyes. “Right, Jungwon?” Jungwon emphatically shakes his head at Sunghoon, the little traitor--so much for needing his help.
“Yeah, right,” Sunghoon says. He looks back at Minhee, then faces to the two of them again. “Well, I should probably head back, but I hope you two enjoy yourselves.” The little smirk he adds at the end of that is, quite frankly, a little horrifying, but at least he leaves afterwards.
--
“Hey, hyung,” Jungwon greets. Through the phone, his voice is tinny, digitized; it’s odd. Jongseong can’t remember the last time he used his cellphone to contact anyone outside of his parents, honestly, but he picked up Jungwon’s call regardless.
“Hm, why’d you call?” Jongseong had been in the middle of staring down his schoolwork back at his apartment, but honestly anything is preferable to organic chemistry right now.
“Nothing in particular,” Jungwon replies. He sounds far too devious to be completely truthful at the moment.
“Really.” Jongseong wonders if Jungwon can hear his smile through the phone, the way he can easily imagine Jungwon right now, just based on the sound of his voice.
“Well, actually, I was wondering if you’d like to go see Trapped in the Box?” Jungwon asks.
Jongseong hasn’t heard of the title--he doesn’t make a habit of watching movies that often in the first place--so he puts Jungwon on speakerphone as he looks it up. A couple scrolls is all he needs to get the gist of what sort of film this will end up being--irrespective of the quality, horror films are exactly the type of movie he hates the most.
“Uhhh,” Jongseong starts. Even reading the namuwiki synopsis is making him feel a little ill, honestly. “This looks pretty scary, Jungwon-ah.”
“Don’t worry, hyung,” Jungwon replies earnestly. “I’ll protect you.”
“That’s sweet.” Jongseong sighs. But he really isn’t the best person to watch these types of movies with. “Is it just the two of us?”
And Jungwon’s answer to this question is a little strange, in his opinion: “Yes, obviously.”
Here’s the thing: objectively, Heeseung is closer to both of them than they are to each other. Heeseung also happens to love horror movies. Why would he be Jungwon’s first choice to see such a film?
Then it all makes sense. Silly for Jongseong to think he’d be the first place to begin with. Jungwon probably made plans with Heeseung and then Heeseung cancelled, something along those lines--
“Hyung,” Jungwon says insistently. “Is it a yes or no?”
Jongseong swallows. “Sure, fine,” he replies, even if he can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Even if he isn’t sure why that itching feeling nags at him, even if he knows that he should be used to this, by now.
--
When Jongseong arrives at the movie theater, Jungwon’s waiting for him. He’s easy to spot with his thick winter coat; it makes him look all fuzzy and shapeless and endearing, honestly, considering that Jungwon’s so fit underneath.
“Your coat is so cute,” Jongseong comments, unable to help himself.
Jungwon blinks at him for a second before ducking his head. For someone as composed as Jungwon, that’s about as flustered as he gets, really. “Thanks, hyung.” He offers his hand out to Jongseong. “You ready to watch the movie?”
“Of course.”
--
As it turns out, Jongseong was not ready to watch Trapped in the Box, and he isn’t sure if he ever will be. He spends at least half of the movie with his hands over his eyes, trying his best not to scream. The other half of the time he’s got his head buried in Jungwon’s shoulders, embarrassingly enough.
Jungwon pats the top of his head as the main characters begin to scream in fright once again, and that just might be the highlight of the whole experience.
“You’re so cute when you’re scared,” Jungwon says to him once the movie’s finished. He’s teasing him, Jongseong can tell.
Jongseong clutches his heart dramatically, hand over chest. “You just enjoy watching me suffer, huh.” They make their way through the aisles of the theater, out into the main hall.
“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Jungwon replies. He looks almost worried, for a moment, but then he adds: “I mean, you probably saw less than a quarter of the whole movie, hyung.”
“No, it wasn’t that bad,” Jongseong says. Honestly, it was pretty nice--to cower against Jungwon’s side, to know he could be scared or loud or whatever with Jungwon really minding all that much. Even if he never wants to see another horror movie again.
--
While Jungwon likes to invite him to go places while they hang out, Jongseong honestly prefers hanging in. The highlights of his week are the friday night FIFA sessions with Heeseung and all of their friends; clubbing lost its shine after his first year of university.
So it’s only reasonable that Jungwon starts making a habit of hanging out at Jongseong’s apartment on some weekdays. The first time had been because Jungwon claimed his dorm was too noisy. And while, with most people, Jongseong would have asked why Jungwon didn’t just go to one of the libraries instead, he works well with Jungwon.
Jungwon’s determined and focused when he needs to be, which is a plus when Jongseong’s toiling over his lab writeups for his Chem courses, and on those afternoons, after they get enough of studying they just chill out.
But today is different. Jungwon shows up at his apartment much later than usual--something to do with applying for different clubs and interviews--and he already seems a lot more tired than usual as soon as he steps through the door.
"You okay?" Jongseong asks, letting Jungwon in his apartment. Jungwon blinks at him once, twice, before the words settle in.
"Yeah, I'm fine, hyung," Jungwon replies as they head further inside the apartment. He muffles a yawn behind his hand. "Just a little tired from today, I guess."
"How'd the interviews go?" In the kitchen, Jongseong begins to heat water up on the stovetop; if Jungwon's sleepy, then a bit of tea might do him some good.
Jungwon winces. "Not good."
"Not good?" Jongseong struggles to keep the surprise out of his voice. It's rare that Jungwon isn't competent at anything, despite how much he'd worried over applying to universities.
"Can we--not talk about it?" Jungwon rubs his eyes. It's the most distraught Jongseong has ever seen him in a long, long time. "Please, hyung."
Jongseong thinks over what to do for a couple of minutes as he makes the tea. Jungwon's sitting at the counter, head propped up in his hands but posture slumped over. Obviously just the tea won't cut it, on a day like today.
"Hey, Jungwon-ah," he says finally, handing over a mug. "Do you have anything due tonight?"
Jungwon's response time, again, is a bit slower than usual. "No, don't think so," he replies, tilting his head to the side as he thinks. "There's an assignment for tomorrow night, but that's it."
Jongseong wishes he could say the same for himself, but he resolutely ignores the half-finished problem set he's been putting off in favor of telling Jungwon, "Then let's take a break today, Jungwon. You deserve it."
They end up watching a movie again, except this time the circumstances are a lot more enjoyable for Jongseong--first of all, it isn't scary, and second of all, his couch might possibly be the most comfortable piece of furniture on the planet. That's how it feels, at least, with Jungwon nestled against his side as they stare at the movie playing on Jongseong's laptop screen.
The movie also happens to be pretty boring, though. Jungwon falls asleep around ten minutes in, and Jongseong gives up on watching the movie a couple minutes after, opting to scroll through his Instagram feed instead. He's in the middle of watching one of Riki's dance covers when Jungwon's head slips from his shoulder; Jungwon startles himself awake.
"Huh?" he asks, blinking blearily.
"Awake now?" Jongseong replies. People are always cute when they're sleepy--Jongseong has fond memories of traveling with Heeseung and realizing what a zombie he was in the mornings--but there's something about Jungwon's confused, near-blank facial expression that tugs at his heart a little further than that.
Jungwon shakes his head. "I want to sleep."
"Fine, sleep."
With that, Jungwon rests his head on Jongseong's shoulder again. He keeps shifting back and forth, unable to find a comfortable position, until finally, with a sigh, he shifts sideways to rest his head on Jongseong's lap instead.
Jongseong goes back to watching Riki's dance cover--look, he's been a not-so-hidden BTS fan ever since Blood, Sweat, Tears came out, and it's not every day his second-favorite dongsaeng covers his second-favorite Jimin song--but once he's finished, he finds it difficult to continue scrolling through his feed.
Not when Jungwon's right in front of him, so serene and peaceful in his sleep. Jongseong cards his fingers through Jungwon's hair as soft as possible, one, twice.
Like this, Jungwon still and at rest, Jongseong notices all of the little details he's never had the chance to pay attention while Jungwon is in motion and full of life. Like how long Jungwon's eyelashes are, fanned out against his skin like that. Like how Jungwon still has acne scars fading away on one cheek but his skin is still really good. Like how Jungwon might just be more than cute or adorable--something bigger than that, something that makes his palms start to sweat when he considers it.
Thankfully, Jungwon wakes up for good not long after that, so Jongseong doesn't have to mull over the possibility of finding Jungwon more handsome than the resident self-proclaimed hotties --Jake and Sunghoon, in case anyone was wondering--of their friend group.
"Did I sleep for long?" is the first thing Jungwon asks him after he gets the bearing of his surroundings again.
Jongseong checks the time on his phone. It's late, around the time that Jongseong starts making dinner nowadays. "Less than an hour, I think." Somehow, Jungwon looks even tired than he had before post-nap, and it makes a surge of guilt rise up in Jongseong. "If you were this tired, you didn't have to come over, Jungwon-ah."
But Jungwon just stares back at him, utterly guileless, and says, "I wanted to see you, though."
Jongseong doesn't even know how to respond to that, so instead he steps over to the kitchen again.
At least when Jungwon seats himself at the counter once again he no longer seems like he's about to collapse onto the surface. "Maybe I should get going, hyung."
"You know," Jongseong says, starting to take out a pan with his back turned to Jungwon, "It is getting pretty late. But you can stay over for the night if you want, I'll make you dinner." He hasn't cooked a proper meal for Jungwon yet, not since those golden afternoons fooling around in the family kitchen back in high school, and he likes to think that his culinary prowess has increased substantially since then.
Heeseung and Jake have each done it from time to time, and he expects Jungwon to agree just as readily--the trek from his apartment to Jungwon's dorm isn't a particularly nice one, especially when it's so dark at night and cold outside.
Instead, Jungwon stares at him, mouth slightly open in surprise. Then, cheeks starting to take on a pinkish tint, he says, "Um, isn't that a bit too soon?"
Jongseong raises his eyebrows. "Too what, now?"
Jungwon, usually so straightforward and calm, seems unable to make proper eye contact with him at the moment. He stands up from the counter, muttering something underneath his breath about hyung being really shameless.
"I'll get going now," Jungwon says hurriedly at a volume clearly meant for Jongseong's ears. And before Jongseong can ask him exactly what he means by shameless, Jungwon has left the apartment.
Jongseong eats dinner alone, finishing up his economics problem set in between bites of his admittedly delicious meal. And if his mind sometimes drifts off to his memory of Jungwon asleep in his lap, tranquil and pretty like a still lake on a summer’s day, then--
Then, what of it?
mixed up
fandom/pairing: enhypen, jay/jungwon
premise: college au where jaywon do not "get along" at first and jay isn't used to anyone disliking him... but it's actually just jungwon trying to hide that he Likes jay... yeah you get it
It takes a while for Jay to catch on, but once he does it’s so glaringly obvious that he wonders how he didn’t notice earlier: Jungwon hates him.
It takes a while for Jay to catch on, but once he does it’s so glaringly obvious that he wonders how he didn’t notice earlier: Jungwon hates him.
Or, perhaps hate is too strong of a word. Maybe something like “mild dislike” or “slight distaste” would suit Jungwon better, though truth be told Jay’s never been good with subtle emotions like that.
Either way, Jungwon definitely doesn’t like him. He does a decent job of hiding it--politely excusing himself whenever Jay runs into him and Sunghoon at the dining hall, seating himself at the periphery of Jay’s vision whenever their mutual friends decide to eat out together, so quietly unobtrusive in his avoidance that it had taken months for Jay to realize.
Jay can’t help but admire Jungwon, honestly; when he dislikes someone, he can’t help but be a mess of gritting teeth and clashing heads, loud and outspoken. In contrast, Jungwon is mild--Jay would call him shy, but he’s seen Jungwon tease the hell out of Heeseung and he knows that awkwardness is reserved for him and him only--and distant. It makes Jay wonder where the hell he went wrong.
His first meeting with Jungwon--or, to be technical about it, Jay’s first meeting with Jungwon that he remembers--hadn’t been too bad, in his opinion. Heeseung and Taehyun had gotten it into their heads to go for karaoke a couple weeks into the beginning of semester, and they’d all brought some of the new freshmen they’d befriended: Sunoo from Taehyun’s Writing and Composition class, Jake from Kai’s fraternity, and Sunghoon from just down the hall in Jay’s dorm.
Jay recalls the moment clearly. Beomgyu had been in the middle of some outrageously depressing Sasha Sloan song--it’s never fun getting older--and the lights were all dimmed low, everyone’s faces cast in shades of red and orange from the television screen. They all crammed together on the couches, Jay in between Sunoo and Sunghoon. He’d been glancing off to the side, starting to become mildly aware of the flirting he was caught in the middle of, when Heeseung finally arrived--fashionably (or just annoyingly) late, as per usual--with another boy in tow. The star freshman in his a cappella group that Heeseung had been raving about for the past week.
“This is Jungwon,” Heeseung said with a shiny flash of teeth. Right off the bat, Jay knew something was--different. For starters, when Jungwon glanced around the room, his eyes immediately widened once he saw Jay. And more than that, Jungwon looked familiar, in a way that Jay couldn’t quite put a finger on.
Heeseung proceeded to introduce Jungwon to everyone one by one: this is Taehyun, he’s part of the other a cappella group, and he also… and so on.
But when Heeseung finally got around to Jay, Jungwon interrupted Heeseung before he could say anything. Jay looked up, and he could practically see the whole this is Jay, my best friend and mutual disaster spiel getting stopped in its tracks by Jungwon’s small hand resting on Heeseung’s shoulder.
“I know Jay,” Jungwon said. He looked at Heeseung the entire time as he spoke, and Jay watched as orange shadows danced across his cheeks. “We went to the same high school.”
Jay frowned, caught in between blurting something out like I swear I would’ve remembered you If we went to the same school or just blatantly lying to save face. Jungwon didn’t give him a choice either way, turning on his heel to sit across the room, beside Jake.
And Jay had resolved to clear things up once karaoke finished, had Jungwon on his mind even as Taehyun and Heeseung dueted Smash Mouth’s “All Star,” but as soon as the lights turned back on Jungwon had vanished. A first meeting that had left Jay with so many unanswered questions, a mystery on the tip of his tongue. Jay’s always been about things--when he was younger, he’d pester his father with all kinds of nonsensical questions--but this, perhaps, is the first time Jay’s interested in a new sort of question. The question of a person.
Jay forgets about Jungwon after a couple of days, though. It’s not like their paths cross that often--Jay being a busy sophomore, juggling a UROP and his little coffee shop gig with Soeun on top of his normal coursework--and a few weeks pass before Jay spots Jungwon again. Jay’s just walking across the quad, and Jungwon’s in his direct line of sight--head slightly down, hair tucked under a soft-looking beanie, seeming as serene and aloof as he had back at the karaoke place.
Normally Jay wouldn’t hesitate to smile and say hi--Jungwon’s a friend of Heeseung, Heeseung’s little baby tenor from the sounds of it, and anyone who’s his best friend’s friend should be his friend, right? But he hesitates, for some strange reason, and when Jungwon glances up and sees him Jay’s just staring right back at him like a complete idiot.
Jay raises his hand in an aborted wave, but before he can commit to it Jungwon’s gaze passes right over him, staring straight ahead instead. As if he’d never even seen Jay, as if Jay is some stranger to him.
So instead of waving, Jay runs a hand through his hair and laughs to himself. He can feel the embarrassment burning in his chest, quiet and shameful because obviously no one else gives a fuck but he still does.
There are plenty of reasons to ignore someone in broad daylight, Jay knows. Maybe Jungwon was rushing to class--though he seemed to be walking at a leisurely pace--or perhaps Jungwon had been too lost in thought, too out of it, to recognize him--even though he’d managed just fine in the darkness of the karaoke room. He’d parroted these same points to Sunoo just last week after Sunoo had accosted him with a bright smile, accusing him of ignoring him in public.
But Sunoo is Sunoo, and Jay--while prone to embarrassment and mishaps--isn’t that shameless. And more than that, he simply doesn’t care enough.
So he continues walking to his next lecture, wills the memory to slip from his mind.
And that’s it, for a while. Jay loses himself in the daily grind, the weekly rush of problem sets and essay assignments, until soon enough he’s just a couple days away from Thanksgiving break. His exams are all over, and his flight home is booked for Sunday--so when Heeseung turns to him that Friday night, eyes bright and smile set in certainty, Jay already knows he’ll say yes to whatever Heeseung has to offer. Today, it’s a party at Kai’s frat.
“Are Taehyun and the others coming?” Jay asks as he gets ready. He fusses with his hair in front of the mirror, more for his own comfort than anything else--he knows that brushing out his same choppy bangs doesn’t actually change how he looks, but it relaxes him--and expects the usual answer.
Sure enough, Heeseung replies with, “Yeah, of course.” Then he begins to count their friends off on his fingers. “Taehyun, Beomgyu, Sunghoon, Jungwon--”
Jay’s brush slips out of his grip, clattering to the counter loudly. Heeseung turns to stare at him. With slow blinks, Heeseung’s eyes dart between Jay’s face and the brush just barely out of his grasp.
Jay meets his gaze. “You were saying?”
Heeseung hesitates a second before rolling his eyes. “Whatever, you know the deal.”
Indeed, it’s the same as usual. Within a couple of minutes of arriving, he loses Heeseung in between the press of people, that claustrophobic crowdedness that’s partly exhilarating and partly annoying. Taehyun and Jake find him, though, and it isn’t long before Jay’s pleasantly buzzed, the type of alcohol-fueled warmth that’s more psychological than real.
Taehyun’s the one to drag him into dancing, and Jay loses track of time laughing by Jake’s side, all fumbling limbs as they try--and fail--to match whatever Taehyun’s up to. The music’s so loud that it reverberates through his bones like the tremors of a low-level earthquake, more a feeling than sound. Everything’s too much feeling, now: the nearby warmth of other humans that shouldn’t feel like a tangible presence, the drops of sweat he can feel running down his forehead. That, in part, is precisely why it takes so damn long for Jay to realize his phone is vibrating against his side in the first place.
It’s Heeseung. Jay answers the call, nodding goodbye to Jake and Taehyun before he starts to weave out of the crowd. There’s no hope in trying to listen to whatever Heeseung’s saying until he gets somewhere more quiet, and it’s only when he reaches the kitchen that Jay realizes.
“--this was the only number, and I wasn’t sure who else to call,” an unfamiliar voice is saying. Or--not wholly unfamiliar, something about his tone seemingly recognizable. “But, um, yeah.”
“Wait, hold on a second,” Jay replies. “Who is this? I couldn’t hear anything you were saying.” When the guy on the other end of the line doesn’t respond for a moment, Jay continues, pulse starting to pound. “Oh my god. Did something happen to Heeseung?”
“It’s Jungwon. Nothing bad happened to him, I think.” Jungwon’s voice is paradoxically self-assured yet tinged with something slightly panicked, nervous. “We’re in the bathroom, upstairs and to the left?”
Oh, just the usual, then. Jay sighs in relief. “I’ll be right there,” he says before hanging up. It’s not as if Heeseung makes a habit of getting trashed at every party he goes to, but Jay’s dragged him home--drunk and stumbling--more often than not.
Heeseung’s sitting on the floor of the bathroom when Jay opens the door. Jungwon’s hovering over him, wide-eyed and earnest, a glass of water in his hands.
“Drink this,” Jungwon is saying. His earrings glint shiny and silver in the dim light, bright and eye-catching. “It’ll make you feel better, right--” He startles when Jay bursts into the room. “Oh. Jay.”
“Thanks for calling me,” Jay directs toward Jungwon. He fixes a look at Heeseung, then, and rolls his eyes.
“You owe me, you asshole,” he says bluntly, aware that Heeseung likely won’t remember any of this tomorrow. “Now drink the water.”
Heeseung giggles at him, but at least becomes a little more complacent as he takes sips of water from the cup cradled in Jungwon’s palms. All is silent for a moment, save for the soft sounds of Heeseung swallowing. Or, not silent--Jay’s aware of the party going on beyond the bathroom door, muffled and distant like a far off dream.
Jungwon refuses to look at him, even still. He just watches over Heeseung’s face instead, and the unspoken tenderness there--it tugs at something in Jay’s chest.
“He’ll be okay, right?” Jungwon asks, frowning slightly. “He threw up twice.”
“Well, he’ll probably feel like ass tomorrow,” Jay says. He starts to reach for Heeseung, helping him up and looping one of his arms around his neck. “But that’s only expected.”
Heeseung groans, almost about to topple off of Jay; Jungwon stabilizes the two of them with a steady palm, then steps away once again. He moves like someone constantly aware of the distances he’s supposed to keep, a far cry from the casual platonic intimacy Jay’s used to.
Jay sighs. Why is everything so fucking awkward around Jungwon?
“Thanks for looking after him,” Jay offers with a smile. “And calling me, too. It’s a lot to deal with at your first party--it’s your first, right?”
Jungwon nods. “When I called,” he says. “I didn’t realize you…” He doesn’t continue. “Nevermind.”
Jay blinks at him for a second. Maybe if he were closer to Jungwon, he’d press further. Maybe he’d laugh and ask Jungwon, come on, man, what were you about to say? But spending even this small amount of time with Jungwon, crammed into this dingy bathroom with Heeseung’s head lolling against his neck, has clued Jay into the fact that this is different.
“We should probably get going,” Jay tells him. Before he can hesitate any further, he reaches out with his free hand--the one without a death grip on Heeseung--and pats Jungwon’s shoulder. “Thanks again. Seriously.”
“It’s nothing,” Jungwon insists.
And maybe it is. Maybe it should be that way.
Autumn’s setting in earlier than usual this year, and the stumble back to their dorm room is invaded by a slight chill. Heeseung clings to him, warm and bony, and Jay holds on tight all the while. He doesn’t think about the sharp glimmer of Jungwon’s earrings. That wide-eyed worriedness Jay had taken to so easily.
Jay's sitting in the library with Jake and Sunghoon, trying to get a start on his weekly pset, when Jake's giggle across the table catches his attention. He looks up from his Overleaf tab, raises his eyebrows in question.
Jake shows whatever's on his screen to Sunghoon first, broad bright smile peeking through, before holding it out to Jay. "Jungwon sent me this," Jake says by way of explanation. "Isn't it insane?"
Jay's ashamed to admit it, but he doesn't exactly register the meme at first. He leans forward, elbow digging into the edge of his laptop, and glances at the surrounding conversation instead--it's not much, just Jungwon's curt lol this was funny before he'd attached the image, but it's still something Jay is missing out on.
"You guys are close," Jay says, voice sounding strange to his own ears. A statement more than a question, some sick sort of realization settling on him.
Jake exchanges a look with Sunghoon. "I mean, it's Jungwon," he says, shrugging as if it's nothing. "He's chill."
It reminds Jay of when he'd get caught outside in the rain back home, that clammy back-sticking discomfort he'd try so valiantly to ignore. A small part of him had assumed that Jungwon’s standoffishness was directed towards most people. Instead he’s faced with two examples pointing toward the opposite. Jay likes feeling special, but never quite like this.
Sunghoon frowns. "I mean--are you not--?" He seems genuinely perplexed by the conversation, as if it's unfathomable that two of his mutual friends could struggle to be friends with each other. "You just haven't met him yet, right?"
Jay sighs heavily, settles back into his chair. "Nevermind," he says, absentmindedly rubbing at his elbow.
"Just go up to him and start a conversation," Jake continues. His eyes are wide and well-meaning, full of misplaced optimism. Jay wishes he'd had that type of conviction last weekend--maybe, then, he would've broken that awkwardness between him and Jungwon. "You're, like, really easy to talk to--it'll be fine."
That's the thing, Jay wants to tell Jake, even as he accepts Jake's words with a tight nod. "Yeah, you're right." He's used to words flowing naturally, conversation as natural to him as breathing.
In that sense, Jungwon makes him feel like he's drowning--gasping for air, grasping at something that's normally so easy.
It's stupid. Jay knows, intellectually, that it's not possible to get along with everyone--that it's okay for other people to dislike him. But there's a cognitive dissonance between the Jungwon he spots on the quad laughing with Sunoo and Seongmin and the boy who'd been avoiding his gaze so steadfastly last weekend. It's not a big deal, but paradoxically, Jay's making it into one.
Jay wills his attention back to the problem set at hand. Somehow those questions seem more approachable now, in lieu of whatever he's said to Jake and Sunghoon.
For all Jay doesn't talk about Jungwon, he still thinks of him occasionally, in passing fragments that drift away dreamlike. And when he returns home for Thanksgiving break, laying around in his adolescent bedroom surrounded by the paraphernalia of a life he'd lived two years ago, it only takes a couple hours before he succumbs to his urges. He digs through his bookshelf--crammed with Rick Riordan novels and comic books--and tugs out his yearbook. A couple of page-flips and he's staring at the Class of 2021, fresh-faced and newly ugly in the way only sixteen-year-olds can be. Another page turned, and sure enough, Jungwon's bland little school photo stares right back at him.
Jay wonders, for a second, if Jungwon avoids him because of something he did in high school. A reckless prank in senior year, some offhand comment he'd never given a second thought. Just as quickly, though, he pushes that thought out of his mind.
They’d never even spoke to each other--their paths never crossed. So surely not, right?
After that, Jay can’t stop himself from wanting to know more. Every conversation, every encounter with Jungwon has left him in more confusion than before. So instead he learns of Jungwon in bits and fragments, small crumbs of information littered casually in his everyday conversations with others.
Perhaps it’s because he can’t know anything of Jungwon firsthand, but things just seem to stick. It’s not anything important, of course, just the general things any acquaintance could learn from osmosis--that Jungwon is a tenor, that Jungwon’s struggling a little bit in his Intro to Chem class, that Jungwon prefers less sugar and more ice when he orders bubble tea.
It’s not intentional--at least not at first--but Jay finds himself recalling and seeking out those small details despite his own conscious intentions. And it brings him further than he expects:
“You know,” Sunoo says thoughtfully, in between sips of his latte, “I think you’re the only one who willingly listens to me complain about my day.”
Jay rolls his eyes. “What, would you rather I didn’t listen?” He makes a move to put his earbuds in, reaching for the wire connected to his phone, but Sunoo’s cold hand stops him before he can.
“I never said that,” Sunoo protests, letting go of Jay’s forearm. He leans back in his chair, smiling with a calculated edge to it. There’s always been a hidden sharpness to Sunoo, something iron-wrought underneath all of that smiling cheerfulness, that had scared Jay off at first.
But Jay, for all of his jabs, likes grabbing coffee with Sunoo after lecture, doesn’t mind letting Sunoo talk for once instead of running his own mouth. It totally doesn’t have to do with the fact that half of Sunoo’s complaints have to do with having Jungwon as a roommate--not actual ill-willed talk, but more like, Sunoo rolling his eyes fondly at Jungwon’s antics. No relation between those two things whatsoever, actually.
“Sometimes I just wonder what you want, is all,” Sunoo muses. “You always look like you’re searching for something.”
“Wow.” Jay barks out a laugh at that. He doesn’t know what he’d say, what he’d spell out to make himself seem just a slightest bit more sane. Searching for something? All he wants is answers.
“Believe me, whatever I’m looking for,” he continues--as if he’s on an actual search for something, a means to an end, instead of just stumbling through a maze blindfolded--evenly, “it definitely isn’t anything from you.”
Sunoo aside, though, Jay really does try not to let anything bleed out too much to his other friends. He doesn’t bring up Jungwon to Jake or Sunghoon--that first conversation had been awkward enough. Jay makes sure to skirt around the subject with Heeseung, too--his best friend can read him like no one else can.
Besides, Jay has his limits. He hasn’t follow-requested Jungwon on Instagram, nor have they friended each other on Facebook. Jungwon might as well be an absolute stranger to Jay by most metrics. All metrics, honestly.
That’s what Jay’s realizing as they all play Truth or Dare tonight, at least. Midterms are over, spring is finally on the horizon, and they’re all clustered at Beomgyu’s apartment. Jay’s crushed in between Sunghoon and Heeseung on the couch--grateful that he isn’t sandwiched amidst Sunoo and Sunghoon like what had happened last time--as he looks on.
It’s all tame stuff at first--Sunghoon admitting he hooked up with some soprano from Heeseung’s a cappella group, Taehyun pressing a kiss to Sunghoon’s flustered pink cheek, Sunoo “daring” (is it a dare if he’s enthusiastic about it?) to dance to some Twice song for a solid thirty seconds. Then Sunoo choses Jungwon for the target of his next move, and that--if that never happened, then Jay thinks that maybe the quality of his life, overall, might have improved by a significant amount. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, or whatnot.
Regardless: Jay doesn’t know what’s coming for him.
Sunoo turns to Jungwon, smiles pleasantly at him. For two roommates, they don’t seem quite so close. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare,” Jungwon says after deliberating for a couple of moments--eyebrows frowned in thought, careful and deliberate about his choices.
It’s a reasonable move, Jay’s thinking, until--
Sunoo’s grin turns wicked. “Kiss the cutest person in the room.”
Jungwon blinks at that, startled. Heeseung and Jake laugh, too, a little surprised. Jungwon’s the youngest of them, the one who gets a little bit babied, and it's more than any of them could have expected to get requested.
Jay--Jay just watches. Jungwon looks around the room, makes eye contact with Jay for a second. Jay has half a mind to turn around, to check if there’s someone behind him that Jungwon had been glancing at instead, but it’s a blink-and-miss-it sort of occurrence yet again. Everything with Jungwon seeming almost like a momentary hallucination, something that doesn’t exist in normal reality.
“You can kiss me,” Jake’s saying with an exaggerated wink. How cheesy, Jay thinks with a bit of derision, as Jungwon laughs at Jake’s silly smile.
Jungwon turns to face Sunoo. “Can I pass?” he asks. “I just have to take a shot, right?”
“Drink a shot, yeah,” Sunoo says.
Jungwon glances over at Jay, again, and it doesn’t seem intentional at all--eyes flitting back to Sunoo’s face as he realizes, the action almost unbidden, like metal particles drifting to a magnet.
Jay leans into Heeseung’s side and wonders if he’s just delusional. And the game moves on, easy as that.
But Jay can’t move on, not exactly. He finds himself bringing it up as he walks back to the dorms with Heeseung, inhibitions lowered by alcohol and curiosity getting the better of him.
“When Jungwon got dared to kiss someone,” Jay begins. He’s still clinging onto Heeseung’s arm--it’s cold, so late at night, and Jay had underdressed for the weather like usual--and Heeseung’s shoulder nudges against him when Heeseung stops walking.
“Yeah?” Heeseung replies. Earlier he had seemed as tipsy as Jay, smiling wide-mouthed with an eager glimmer in his eyes, loose with his movements instead of self-regulating like usual. Now, he seems sharp. As sharp as Sunoo’s smile back at the cafe, heightened awareness.
Or maybe that’s just Jay, when it comes to Jungwon.
“He could have just kissed Sunoo or Jake.” Jay’s basically thinking aloud at this point. “Right?”
“Right.” Heeseung bites on his bottom lip. He’s worried, Jay realizes, and it’s a little infuriating that Jay doesn’t know the cause. It’s cold and dark and Jay just wants answers to his questions.
“Do you,” Jay says. He finds himself gripping tighter onto Heeseung’s arm. Heeseung doesn’t throw him off--he’s never been phased by his intensity, even when Jay knows he’s too much. “Do you think… Jungwon likes anyone?”
Heeseung sighs. Then, with his free hand, the one not currently trapped between Jay’s arms, he pats the side of Jay’s cheek.
“Let’s not talk about this,” he says with an unreadable look on his face. Then, quieter, even more mysterious, he adds: “You’ll know when he’s ready.”
Here’s the thing: Jay hadn’t even framed this whole Jungwon situation within the lens of romantic attraction. But now that he’s thinking about it--now that he has the memory of Sunoo saying kiss the cutest person in the room and Jungwon glancing over at him--Jay wonders. Briefly, for a couple moments, he entertains thoughts of Jungwon choosing him, striding over to him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
And then Jay comes to his senses, because, what? He’s incapable of holding a proper conversation with Jungwon, yet he’s attracted to him? It almost doesn’t make sense at first.
Jay manages to hold off on those thoughts for a while, at least. Weeks pass and spring semester continues. Soeun and him get a raise at their coffee shop gig, probably because Soeun’s looks--and vocals--are starting to attract more customers. Jay secures a research opportunity for the summer, working on campus in the meteorology lab. He starts changing the conversation topic whenever Jungwon is mentioned instead of accumulating even more knowledge about the guy like some sort of pack rat.
In short: Jay has his defenses up, determined to move on with his life. But it’s when he’s least expecting it that he caves.
Heeseung’s a capella group uploads a video onto Facebook, a promotional clip for the end-of-year showcase, and Jay watches it, and--
And Jungwon has a solo. Sweet and clear-voiced, sounding so lovely as he sings through the mashup of [INSERT-SONG] that Heeseung had so carefully arranged.
Then one thing leads to another, and the next thing Jay knows he’s already watched through all of their live performances over the past school year. He’s such a supportive friend to Heeseung, huh. He even tries typing in the name of his high school’s choir into the Youtube search bar, clicking on some random parent’s upload, and feels mildly horrified when he spots Jungwon in the tenor section two minutes in.
How had he never noticed Jungwon before, is what he’s wondering now. What’s worse is that Jungwon’s still awkward with him, closed off.
"Wait, what are you saying?" Jay says, disbelieving. He blinks his eyes rapidly, the winter wind stinging against his retinas regardless. "You can't be serious, Heeseung." He's carrying Heeseung's car keys in his hand, is practically minutes away from starting the car so that they can drive upstate together.
"I'm only going to be a couple hours late!" Heeseung protests over the phone, his voice tinny and digitized to Jay's ears. "Sunghoon said he could fit another, it's fine."
Jay glances over at Jungwon, who's waiting in front of the car with his hands in his pockets. Jungwon's winter coat makes his shoulders even broader than they normally are.
"But," Jay begins, a bit more panicked and hushed than before. "You're just going to leave me--"
"Come on, you're a better driver than I am," Heeseung interrupts, sounding a little exasperated. "It's all highway driving, too, you'll be fine."
That isn't what Jay's worried about. You're just going to leave me with Jungwon? he thinks but doesn't say. Heeseung knows him so well--knows him without words, at times, can intuit his feelings with just a look. But Heeseung can't see him right now.
"Listen, I need to finish this project up for real," Heeseung continues. "I'll be there before you know it, 'kay?" He hangs up after that, leaves Jay standing out there in the cold, untethered. The only things Jay has to look forward to are two hours in a car alone with Jungwon, a guy he's never said more than a single sentence to for the five months that they've known of each other. You'll be fine, everyone told him.
"Oh my god," Jay mumbles under his breath. Then he squares his shoulders, straightens his spine a little before turning to Jungwon.
"Heeseung's going to be driving up with the others," Jay says. "Guess it's just us, huh?"
Jay expects some distaste, some low-level discomfort to manifest across Jungwon's face. But Jungwon doesn't seem to mind, surprisingly enough--he blinks rapidly in surprise for a couple of moments before his features relax and he shrugs. "Alright," he replies simply.
Driving alone with Jungwon is an unexpected wrench to this whole... situation that Jay hadn't ever anticipated. He has half a mind to do as Jake suggested, to start a conversation, but Jungwon just stares out the car window as Jay navigates to the nearest highway. He tries, briefly, and it's like trying to start a fire in the middle of a rainstorm.
"Is there anything you want to play?" Jay prompts. He gestures to the stereo, taking a minute to dig out the cable that can connect to a phone.
Jungwon pauses for much longer than normal. "I'm fine with anything," he says, turning to face Jay as he replies.
Jay raises his eyebrows. "Seriously?" he asks, one side of his mouth lifting up in a smile.
“Seriously.”
"So you're telling me that you'd be cool with me blasting some metal?"
He thinks he might've seen a flash of a smile, some small glimmer of amusement, but in truth Jungwon turns his face away again before Jay can clock an actual reaction.
It's--frustrating, to say the least. Jay's received the message by now: Jungwon doesn't want to be friends with him. But it's not impossible to try and get along, right? He'd made fast friends with Jake and Sunghoon this year, had fallen in just as quickly with Taehyun and Heeseung as a freshman. But even someone like Sunoo, as different from him as he can possibly think of, Jay enjoys spending time with (in controlled doses, preferably after at least eight hours of sleep. He's still human).
Jay counts the exits as he passes them by--one, two, five. He has managed to pass ten such signs before he finally caves in, says what he’s been longing yet dreading to say all this while.
“Look,” he begins slowly, eyes still on the highway ahead of him. It stretches out indefinitely, it seems, some sort of path with no end in sight. “I know you don’t like me, but let’s at least try to get along, okay?”
Jay can’t help but wince just slightly after I know you don’t like me leaves his mouth. He’s used to bluntness, prefers it even, but that doesn’t mean that the truth’s rough edges don’t rub the wrong way against the soft surface of his heart from time to time.
He’s glad he can’t see Jungwon completely, for once. In the corner of his vision Jungwon faces him again, a slight movement, but he doesn’t say anything more.
Jay holds his breath, waits for the other shoe to drop. Or will Jungwon continue to offer nothing but infuriating blankness--
“It’s not that I don’t like you,” Jungwon states. It sounds like the beginning of a sentence without a proper closure, a thought left unfinished. Even so, Jungwon doesn’t add anything more.
Jay waits, a little expectant. “Well?” he prompts after another exit passes by. It’s a good barometer for restraining his impatience, his insatiable curiosity. “What is it, then?”
Jay glances over at Jungwon, then. Jungwon stares out the window again, shaking his head slowly.
A couple minutes later, the silence is flooded with music--Jungwon finally caving and plugging his phone into the aux. Jungwon chooses to play sweet, inoffensive songs, the sort of Spotify-core lofi that only a real asshole would be opposed to listening to.
Message received, then. Jay’s mind is swimming with questions, drowning in confusion, the soft music his only lifeline and distraction.
They don’t talk for the rest of the car ride.
Heeseung, in the end of it all, is the one to force the pieces into motion. Hours later, when they’ve finished eating dinner and are just chilling at the airbnb on the couches. Heeseung’s arm is thrown over Jungwon’s shoulder, eyes careful as he says, “Jay, aren’t you staying on campus for the summer?”
“Yeah, why?” Jay replies.
Heeseung smiles. “Jungwon is, too.”
“What about everyone else?” Jungwon asks. At least he isn’t avoiding Jay’s eye contact now, at least not completely, the corners of his lips lifting up in a small smile. And, oh--Jungwon’s dimples. Wow. Jay blinks a little, tunes into the rest of the conversation.
It’s mostly things that Jay already knows: Sunghoon heading to the west coast with Jake and Taehyun, Sunoo going out to the midwest. Heeseung to Korea, Beomgyu upstate. They’re the only two in the city for the summer, out of their small group of friends.
Eventually they all disperse to their rooms, getting ready for bed. Jay’s rooming with Heeseung--what else is new?--and sets his things aside before changing into his pajamas, the ones patterned with little taiyaki, and tying his hair out of his face. He heads to the bathroom, then, ready to brush his teeth, and--
And Jungwon’s in front of the sink, splashing water onto his face. Jay usually isn’t that fazed by his pajamas, but something about the way Jungwon raises his eyebrows in the mirror at him--god, Jay can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.
This time, he’s the one avoiding eye contact.
Once Jungwon’s finished, while Jay diligently puts toothpaste onto his brush, Jungwon turns to him.
“This summer,” Jungwon starts. “We should hang out.” It’s as if he’s trying to prove he doesn’t dislike Jay, or something.
Jay has half a mind to snort at Jungwon, to tell him there’s no need to be facetious.
“What’s changing your mind all of a sudden?” Jay asks. He starts brushing his teeth.
Jungwon doesn’t look at him directly nor through the mirror, eyes downcast instead. “Honestly, what you said in the car.”
There’s a minute or so of awkward silence after that, Jungwon looking at him so expectantly while Jay just tries to finish up his normal night routine.
“I’m going to be honest too, then,” Jay starts. “I don’t get you.”
Jungwon’s face falls, just imperceptibly, but for someone who spends a lot of time staring at Jungwon’s face it isn’t that difficult to notice.
“But I want to,” Jay continues, all direct. The only way he knows how to operate. “Okay?”
Jungwon nods, looking infinitely more relieved. And maybe, just maybe, Jay can count this all as a success.
Jungwon’s the one to send him a Facebook friend request first, in the end. He sends Jay a short message a couple days after they finish up their trip, curt and to the point: we’re friends now, right?
And, maybe it’s more like: Jay’s incapable of talking to Jungwon because he’s attracted to him.
That’s what he’s thinking when he spots Jungwon at the library one afternoon. It’s the one Jay rarely goes to because of how popular it is, the tables crowded and nearly every outlet taken up by someone’s damned Macbook charging cable. He’d thought a change of scenery would be nice, a good way to get himself out of the work rut he’s had lately.
There’s a chair open across from Jungwon. Jay stands, a couple tables away, and just looks for a moment. His ears ring with the phantom of Jungwon’s voice from the Youtube videos he’d watched just days ago. As awkward as that car ride confrontation had been, they are a little more comfortable with each other now.
Fuck it. Jay strides forward, slides into the chair as if it’s nothing. Jungwon glances up, taking note of his presence, and he smiles tentatively. It’s like the first sign of greenery after months of snow, an indication of some sort of thawing. It warms him down to the marrow in his bones.
Maybe they’re getting somewhere.
to your side again
fandom/pairing: enhypen, jay/jungwon
premise: uhh i don't even know. i think jungwon thinks that they're dating but jay thinks that they're just friends???
Sometimes the hardest part of a story is deciding where to start.
Sometimes the hardest part of a story is deciding where to start. And Jongseong's never been good at deciding on things--not when it took him three days to decide his Discord username, and even longer to figure out that he'd been in love with--well, he'll get to that part.
But, if Jongseong would have to choose a day that things changed, that started the chain of precipitous events that leads to the now of Jungwon and him, then it would have to be this:
"There, I think we're finally finished," Heeseung says, setting down the last box. He wipes his hands on his jeans and checks his phone. "Listen, Jungwon-ah--I gotta run to a capella rehearsals, but Jongseong can help with everything else."
When Jungwon told Heeseung and him that he'd be attending their college, they both insisted on helping him settle into campus and move into the dorms. For nostalgia's sake, Jongseong supposes. Heeseung's still his best friend after all this time, even if he and Jungwon had grown apart over the years.
"Okay, hyung," Jungwon replies. His back is turned to both of them as he sorts through an open suitcase. It might just be Jongseong, but his shoulders seem even broader than they used to be. Over the past two years, Jungwon has grown up without Jongseong really paying attention to it--between holiday breaks and brief katalk conversations--and it's almost surreal to see this new version of him.
Heeseung mouths take care at Jongseong, then leaves, shutting the door behind him.
Jongseong stares down at the box he's carrying. It's filled to the brim with different English novels, most of the titles of which he doesn't even recognize. When did Jungwon get so interested in literature?
Suddenly the quiet that fills in with Heeseung's absence feels a little unbearable. Jongseong doesn't do well with awkward silences, always feels the need to say something, so this time, he does: "I'm so glad we're going to the same university, Jungwon-ah."
Jungwon turns around to face him then. "Me too, hyung," he replies. He rubs the back of his neck. "You know you can set the box on the ground, right?"
"Oh, right." Jongseong places the crate of books down on the floor, and while he's bent over, he adds, "Now we can see each other, just like you always wanted."
He looks up after a couple of moments. Jungwon's staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face, arms crossed over his chest.
"You remember?" Jungwon says finally.
Jongseong laughs at that. "How could I not?" Over the past year, their closing messages to each other had consisted of a good deal of good luck on your studies!! hang in there!! on Jongseong's part and thanks hyung, hopefully i'll study with you and heeseung-hyung next year ^^ on Jungwon's side. "You're still my favorite dongsaeng, you know," he adds.
Jungwon seems to relax at that, smiling at Jongseong tentatively. "No, I'm just your favorite," he says confidently.
At least one thing hasn't changed: Jungwon's still the cutest person Jongseong knows. "Maybe," he replies, rolling his eyes. He resists the urge to wrap Jungwon in a hug and just pats his shoulder instead.
After that, helping Jungwon organize everything in his dorm room isn't awkward at all. It doesn't take long for Jungwon to start teasing him again--hyung, stop being so particular about how the books are organized, I don't care--and soon an hour, two hours, pass by quickly.
"Wait, hyung," Jungwon calls, just as Jongseong's about to leave.
Jongseong pauses by the door. "Yeah?"
Jungwon bites down on his lower lip, seemingly worried for a moment, before he steps forward to hug Jongseong. "I missed you," he says against Jongseong's shoulder.
Like this, Jongseong's aware of the few centimeters Jungwon has over him, how this Jungwon is impossibly familiar yet new to him all the same. "Me too," Jongseong replies.
--
Here's the issue: Jongseong spends the first couple weeks of semester familiarizing himself with this new version of Jungwon--making Jungwon familiar to the new sides of him, as well--that it takes him a while to catch onto the fact that something else has changed between the two of them.
It starts with the hand holding. Now, Jongseong's no stranger to physical affection--back when he was in high school, he'd be the one to reach out to Jungwon for a hug or a friendly slap on the butt--yet he still finds it surprising the first time Jungwon grasps his hand.
They're walking back from the convenience store, late at night, and Jungwon's in the middle of telling a story about a choir performance gone wrong when he does it--just reaches out and grabs his hand and continues talking as if nothing happened.
As for Jongseong, well, he needs a bit of a moment to adjust. He doesn't remember Jungwon being so touchy, but it's honestly kind of nice, feeling the warmth of Jungwon's palm against his. It's a chilly night, and Jungwon's touch cuts through all of that.
"Hyung?" Jungwon asks, stopping in his tracks. He blinks over at Jongseong, clearly unaware of Jongseong's inner turmoil. "Were you even listening to what I was saying?"
"Um, yeah," Jongseong replies. "Totally."
Jungwon laughs. "You were totally zoned out, hyung," he says. With his other hand--you know, the one that isn't holding Jongseong's--he pokes Jongseong's cheek. "Maybe you need to sleep more than I thought."
"I'm still awake enough to beat you at FIFA," Jongseong replies. His phone buzzes loudly. "See, that's probably Heeseung-hyung asking where we are. Let's head back fast."
Jungwon doesn't let go until they've reached his apartment, until they've finally stepped through the door where Heeseung and Riki are waiting for them. Jongseong tries not to overthink it, though. After all, there's nothing wrong with holding hands with the bros. Right?
--
from: jungwon
hey hyung
are you free to go shopping this saturday?
to: jungwon
Sure
Is it just for clothes
from: jungwon
yeah
wanted some advice from the rock-chic himself ;)
to: jungwon
Never mind I'm not free!!
I don't appreciate this baseless SLANDER.
from: jungwon
its not slander i promise :')
to: jungwon
Yeah right
from: jungwon
come on please hyung i need your help
to: jungwon
What time?
--
It's no secret that Jongseong likes clothes, likes shopping in general. Among his closest friends, Heeseung is more of a "dad shirt of the week" type of guy when it comes to his fashion sense, and Jake is equally hopeless. But going to the nearest shopping center with Jungwon is different--Jungwon actually has an idea of what he's looking to buy, and mostly just asks Jongseong for his opinion while deciding between two similar items of clothing.
"I'm trying to have a better sense of style," Jungwon tells him while they're checking out at a store. "I'm in college now, so might as well, right?"
"Yeah, that makes sense," Jongseong replies. "It's the best time to try new things." New things, he thinks, and that sparks an idea within him.
So after Jungwon has gone through his run of stores--he buys mostly comfortable and functional clothes, soft cardigans and sweatshirts, aside from an incomprehensibly huge winter jacket that leaves Jongseong speechless for a couple of seconds--Jongseong brings him to his favorite shop. It's an urban streetwear brand, the type of place that he doubts Jungwon has stepped inside before. Clean lines and relaxed silhouettes and a mix of bright colors.
"Choose something to try on," Jongseong tells him.
"Uh," Jungwon looks around, clearly skeptical. "I don't know if your rock-chic style is for me."
"Yah, when will you stop bringing that up," Jongseong groans. Ever since he and Kai formed a “rock band” for the school festival during their second year of high school, it’s been a constant source of amusement for Heeseung, Jungwon, and their other mutual friends.
Jongseong looks around the racks for something that might suit Jungwon, and spots the perfect thing--a blue graphic t-shirt. "This isn't--agh, whatever. Just take this and try it, okay?"
As expected, it looks great on Jungwon. Jongseong tells him as much. He chose just the perfect thing, really, considering that Jungwon doesn't even protest that much when he decides to buy it for him.
"Hyung's treat," Jongseong says by way of explanation.
Jungwon's resulting smile is so bright. It reminds him of the summers they'd spend together, before all their free time had been taken up by hagwons and other obligations--he'd always try to buy Jungwon a popsicle stick, and Jungwon would refuse, but he'd just end up taking half of Jongseong's anyway.
Yeah, Jongseong gets too sentimental sometimes.
"Where to next?" Jungwon asks when they step out of that last store. He’s holding onto Jongseong’s hand again, but Jongseong himself doesn’t even realize until they walk a couple more meters down the hallway and he spots Park Sunghoon from across the way.
He makes eye contact with them, waving, and Jongseong lets go of Jungwon’s hand. He wouldn’t want Sunghoon to misinterpret things. Sunghoon, unlike Jongseong, definitely does not hold hands with the bros. Unless the bro in question is Jake Shim (Sunghoon’s best friend, soulmate, whatever--Jongseon isn’t jealous or anything) or Kang Minhee (Sunghoon’s boyfriend).
Sunghoon’s with said boyfriend right now, but he leaves Minhee outside of another store and walks toward them instead.
“Hey, what’s up?” Sunghoon asks. He’s eyeing the two of them with an odd look on his face--and listen, Jongseong knows Sunghoon makes a habit of being as blank-faced as possible, but even he can sense when Sunghoon isn’t settling on his ten default facial expressions.
“Jungwon dragged me out for some shopping,” Jongseong says.
“I didn’t drag you--”
Sunghoon raises his eyebrows. “Knowing you, I’d expect it to be the other way around.”
Jongseong shrugs. “What can I say, my expertise is unmatched.” He turns to Jungwon, who just rolls his eyes. “Right, Jungwon?” Jungwon emphatically shakes his head at Sunghoon, the little traitor--so much for needing his help.
“Yeah, right,” Sunghoon says. He looks back at Minhee, then faces to the two of them again. “Well, I should probably head back, but I hope you two enjoy yourselves.” The little smirk he adds at the end of that is, quite frankly, a little horrifying, but at least he leaves afterwards.
--
“Hey, hyung,” Jungwon greets. Through the phone, his voice is tinny, digitized; it’s odd. Jongseong can’t remember the last time he used his cellphone to contact anyone outside of his parents, honestly, but he picked up Jungwon’s call regardless.
“Hm, why’d you call?” Jongseong had been in the middle of staring down his schoolwork back at his apartment, but honestly anything is preferable to organic chemistry right now.
“Nothing in particular,” Jungwon replies. He sounds far too devious to be completely truthful at the moment.
“Really.” Jongseong wonders if Jungwon can hear his smile through the phone, the way he can easily imagine Jungwon right now, just based on the sound of his voice.
“Well, actually, I was wondering if you’d like to go see Trapped in the Box?” Jungwon asks.
Jongseong hasn’t heard of the title--he doesn’t make a habit of watching movies that often in the first place--so he puts Jungwon on speakerphone as he looks it up. A couple scrolls is all he needs to get the gist of what sort of film this will end up being--irrespective of the quality, horror films are exactly the type of movie he hates the most.
“Uhhh,” Jongseong starts. Even reading the namuwiki synopsis is making him feel a little ill, honestly. “This looks pretty scary, Jungwon-ah.”
“Don’t worry, hyung,” Jungwon replies earnestly. “I’ll protect you.”
“That’s sweet.” Jongseong sighs. But he really isn’t the best person to watch these types of movies with. “Is it just the two of us?”
And Jungwon’s answer to this question is a little strange, in his opinion: “Yes, obviously.”
Here’s the thing: objectively, Heeseung is closer to both of them than they are to each other. Heeseung also happens to love horror movies. Why would he be Jungwon’s first choice to see such a film?
Then it all makes sense. Silly for Jongseong to think he’d be the first place to begin with. Jungwon probably made plans with Heeseung and then Heeseung cancelled, something along those lines--
“Hyung,” Jungwon says insistently. “Is it a yes or no?”
Jongseong swallows. “Sure, fine,” he replies, even if he can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Even if he isn’t sure why that itching feeling nags at him, even if he knows that he should be used to this, by now.
--
When Jongseong arrives at the movie theater, Jungwon’s waiting for him. He’s easy to spot with his thick winter coat; it makes him look all fuzzy and shapeless and endearing, honestly, considering that Jungwon’s so fit underneath.
“Your coat is so cute,” Jongseong comments, unable to help himself.
Jungwon blinks at him for a second before ducking his head. For someone as composed as Jungwon, that’s about as flustered as he gets, really. “Thanks, hyung.” He offers his hand out to Jongseong. “You ready to watch the movie?”
“Of course.”
--
As it turns out, Jongseong was not ready to watch Trapped in the Box, and he isn’t sure if he ever will be. He spends at least half of the movie with his hands over his eyes, trying his best not to scream. The other half of the time he’s got his head buried in Jungwon’s shoulders, embarrassingly enough.
Jungwon pats the top of his head as the main characters begin to scream in fright once again, and that just might be the highlight of the whole experience.
“You’re so cute when you’re scared,” Jungwon says to him once the movie’s finished. He’s teasing him, Jongseong can tell.
Jongseong clutches his heart dramatically, hand over chest. “You just enjoy watching me suffer, huh.” They make their way through the aisles of the theater, out into the main hall.
“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Jungwon replies. He looks almost worried, for a moment, but then he adds: “I mean, you probably saw less than a quarter of the whole movie, hyung.”
“No, it wasn’t that bad,” Jongseong says. Honestly, it was pretty nice--to cower against Jungwon’s side, to know he could be scared or loud or whatever with Jungwon really minding all that much. Even if he never wants to see another horror movie again.
--
While Jungwon likes to invite him to go places while they hang out, Jongseong honestly prefers hanging in. The highlights of his week are the friday night FIFA sessions with Heeseung and all of their friends; clubbing lost its shine after his first year of university.
So it’s only reasonable that Jungwon starts making a habit of hanging out at Jongseong’s apartment on some weekdays. The first time had been because Jungwon claimed his dorm was too noisy. And while, with most people, Jongseong would have asked why Jungwon didn’t just go to one of the libraries instead, he works well with Jungwon.
Jungwon’s determined and focused when he needs to be, which is a plus when Jongseong’s toiling over his lab writeups for his Chem courses, and on those afternoons, after they get enough of studying they just chill out.
But today is different. Jungwon shows up at his apartment much later than usual--something to do with applying for different clubs and interviews--and he already seems a lot more tired than usual as soon as he steps through the door.
"You okay?" Jongseong asks, letting Jungwon in his apartment. Jungwon blinks at him once, twice, before the words settle in.
"Yeah, I'm fine, hyung," Jungwon replies as they head further inside the apartment. He muffles a yawn behind his hand. "Just a little tired from today, I guess."
"How'd the interviews go?" In the kitchen, Jongseong begins to heat water up on the stovetop; if Jungwon's sleepy, then a bit of tea might do him some good.
Jungwon winces. "Not good."
"Not good?" Jongseong struggles to keep the surprise out of his voice. It's rare that Jungwon isn't competent at anything, despite how much he'd worried over applying to universities.
"Can we--not talk about it?" Jungwon rubs his eyes. It's the most distraught Jongseong has ever seen him in a long, long time. "Please, hyung."
Jongseong thinks over what to do for a couple of minutes as he makes the tea. Jungwon's sitting at the counter, head propped up in his hands but posture slumped over. Obviously just the tea won't cut it, on a day like today.
"Hey, Jungwon-ah," he says finally, handing over a mug. "Do you have anything due tonight?"
Jungwon's response time, again, is a bit slower than usual. "No, don't think so," he replies, tilting his head to the side as he thinks. "There's an assignment for tomorrow night, but that's it."
Jongseong wishes he could say the same for himself, but he resolutely ignores the half-finished problem set he's been putting off in favor of telling Jungwon, "Then let's take a break today, Jungwon. You deserve it."
They end up watching a movie again, except this time the circumstances are a lot more enjoyable for Jongseong--first of all, it isn't scary, and second of all, his couch might possibly be the most comfortable piece of furniture on the planet. That's how it feels, at least, with Jungwon nestled against his side as they stare at the movie playing on Jongseong's laptop screen.
The movie also happens to be pretty boring, though. Jungwon falls asleep around ten minutes in, and Jongseong gives up on watching the movie a couple minutes after, opting to scroll through his Instagram feed instead. He's in the middle of watching one of Riki's dance covers when Jungwon's head slips from his shoulder; Jungwon startles himself awake.
"Huh?" he asks, blinking blearily.
"Awake now?" Jongseong replies. People are always cute when they're sleepy--Jongseong has fond memories of traveling with Heeseung and realizing what a zombie he was in the mornings--but there's something about Jungwon's confused, near-blank facial expression that tugs at his heart a little further than that.
Jungwon shakes his head. "I want to sleep."
"Fine, sleep."
With that, Jungwon rests his head on Jongseong's shoulder again. He keeps shifting back and forth, unable to find a comfortable position, until finally, with a sigh, he shifts sideways to rest his head on Jongseong's lap instead.
Jongseong goes back to watching Riki's dance cover--look, he's been a not-so-hidden BTS fan ever since Blood, Sweat, Tears came out, and it's not every day his second-favorite dongsaeng covers his second-favorite Jimin song--but once he's finished, he finds it difficult to continue scrolling through his feed.
Not when Jungwon's right in front of him, so serene and peaceful in his sleep. Jongseong cards his fingers through Jungwon's hair as soft as possible, one, twice.
Like this, Jungwon still and at rest, Jongseong notices all of the little details he's never had the chance to pay attention while Jungwon is in motion and full of life. Like how long Jungwon's eyelashes are, fanned out against his skin like that. Like how Jungwon still has acne scars fading away on one cheek but his skin is still really good. Like how Jungwon might just be more than cute or adorable--something bigger than that, something that makes his palms start to sweat when he considers it.
Thankfully, Jungwon wakes up for good not long after that, so Jongseong doesn't have to mull over the possibility of finding Jungwon more handsome than the resident self-proclaimed hotties --Jake and Sunghoon, in case anyone was wondering--of their friend group.
"Did I sleep for long?" is the first thing Jungwon asks him after he gets the bearing of his surroundings again.
Jongseong checks the time on his phone. It's late, around the time that Jongseong starts making dinner nowadays. "Less than an hour, I think." Somehow, Jungwon looks even tired than he had before post-nap, and it makes a surge of guilt rise up in Jongseong. "If you were this tired, you didn't have to come over, Jungwon-ah."
But Jungwon just stares back at him, utterly guileless, and says, "I wanted to see you, though."
Jongseong doesn't even know how to respond to that, so instead he steps over to the kitchen again.
At least when Jungwon seats himself at the counter once again he no longer seems like he's about to collapse onto the surface. "Maybe I should get going, hyung."
"You know," Jongseong says, starting to take out a pan with his back turned to Jungwon, "It is getting pretty late. But you can stay over for the night if you want, I'll make you dinner." He hasn't cooked a proper meal for Jungwon yet, not since those golden afternoons fooling around in the family kitchen back in high school, and he likes to think that his culinary prowess has increased substantially since then.
Heeseung and Jake have each done it from time to time, and he expects Jungwon to agree just as readily--the trek from his apartment to Jungwon's dorm isn't a particularly nice one, especially when it's so dark at night and cold outside.
Instead, Jungwon stares at him, mouth slightly open in surprise. Then, cheeks starting to take on a pinkish tint, he says, "Um, isn't that a bit too soon?"
Jongseong raises his eyebrows. "Too what, now?"
Jungwon, usually so straightforward and calm, seems unable to make proper eye contact with him at the moment. He stands up from the counter, muttering something underneath his breath about hyung being really shameless.
"I'll get going now," Jungwon says hurriedly at a volume clearly meant for Jongseong's ears. And before Jongseong can ask him exactly what he means by shameless, Jungwon has left the apartment.
Jongseong eats dinner alone, finishing up his economics problem set in between bites of his admittedly delicious meal. And if his mind sometimes drifts off to his memory of Jungwon asleep in his lap, tranquil and pretty like a still lake on a summer’s day, then--
Then, what of it?