shakti (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
permutative) wrote2021-06-16 12:54 pm
permutative) wrote2021-06-16 12:54 pm
Entry tags:
[fic notes] just like another season
of course i have a lot to say about this fic... lmfao
CONTENTS
inception
writing process
references & inspiration & au choices
music
deleted scenes
final thoughts
inception ▲
i knew i wanted to write a summer romance/coming of age fic for a while but the fic exchange i organized with suz (ao3 user ningningbin) and abi (ao3 user venusona) was the perfect opportunity to actually execute it. in particular, i was targeting these parts of suz's dear author letter:SUZ'S FIC PREFERENCES
- I love love when the author explores complicated relationships that aren’t on extreme sides of the spectrum (basically disney happy-ending type relationships/full-on toxic relationships)
- Can we just. Appreciate parallels in fics that are far apart from each other in terms of timeline. Like, old habits, or just--even if the character has changed a lot, some parts of them never will kind of thing
- Open endings/ realistic ones that dont feel like fanservice
- Emotionally constipated characters who learn to work their shit and problems out
- University settings/ highschool coming of age stories—one might argue we have too much of these but i beg to differ
this fic is part three of "shakti revisits a markohmark premise/concept and tries to improve on it," with part one being can you feel the rush improving on liar's paradox and part two being heart shaker improving on it's not about reciprocation. i don't know, i think i'm just a very boring person and i often get drawn to the same concepts and themes over time. also, there's something nice about approaching a topic again and seeing just how much i've changed and grown as a writer. i feel like my perspective on life (?? not to sound overly deep) has changed a bit over the past two years, and that is reflected in my writing.
anyways, the fic that i was hoping to improve on was reciprocity — it's this fic that includes summer romance, coming of age, and an open/ambiguous ending and it was a very ambitious fic for me at the time. writing such a long fic drained me and i didn't spend any time editing it, and for months afterward i thought about the wasted potential of the fic T___T like there are ideas in the fic that i still like, to this day, but the execution is genuinely... um. well! there's a reason why i spent much longer writing this fic i guess <3
writing process ▲
i had the idea in early march. and i'm not exactly a slow writer, either, and yet... this fic messed me up so badly that i didn't even post anything for the whole month of may. i've never spent this long on a fic before — the longest amount of time before this was for can you feel the rush, i think, and that was only about five weeks. MEANWHILE THIS FIC TOOK THREE AND A HALF MONTHS…the biggest issue that i had regarding this fic was the premise, actually. alternate universes aren't really my strength, and i struggled with the reason for jay and jungwon to meet and befriend each other in the first place. it took me three months to figure this out, actually. initially i had jay meet jungwon through chemistry tutoring, but it just never made sense to me and it was hard for me to justify why jay would suddenly start hanging out with jungwon after years of not knowing him. but then—
one fateful morning, on may 30th, 2021…after that, it became a lot easier to write the fic. the actual writing timeline for me is really strange, and it's difficult for me to pinpoint the exact dates because i worked on it for so long. but the google drive folder of this fic is titled "jaywon hatecrime #2," as in, this is the second jaywon fic i ever started writing... and yet it was the fourth one that i posted on ao3. here's a rough estimate of my writing process though:
[2:37 AM] but part of me just wants to take out tutoring altogether but also ??? how do people know e/o
[2:37 AM] i feel like the most common way is like shipping jay to some new place for the summer where he befriends the guy next door who lives with his grandma
[2:38 AM] but like why would he randomly go to some new place for the summer before senior year. lol idek what im saying
[2:39 AM] wait i totally forgot that people move out of pricey suburbs after their kids graduate hs
[2:39 AM] lmfao........??? wait a sec WHY AM I EXPERIENCING AN EPIPHANY AT 2:40AM.
TIMELINE
- early march - brainstorming, drafting the first 16k. still had the chemistry tutoring premise
- late march - have a breakdown over how the fic doesn't make any sense, send the draft to rose who tells me it's worth continuing + suggests that i take a break and focus on a different fic. heart shaker is posted as a result
- april - continue to take a break from this fic, write some random short fics. i didn't work on this fic much, honestly
- early may - started a bunch of random wips for no reason...
- may 8th - went back to jaywon summer romance and started working on the draft again
- may 16th - finished first draft. wordcount: 24.6k
- may 30th - started working on the second draft with a completely new premise
- june 10th - finished second draft, wordcount: 18.3k
the only reason why i have dates for some of the later points is because 90% of this fic was written via discord wordsprints LOL. going from my first draft to my second draft was genuinely something else... like it's usually the case that i do massive amounts of editing at that point but i've never cut out this many scenes or shifted around plot points like this before.
a little tangent on movies
suz also mentioned that she likes MOVIES a lot, and judging from my dreamwidth reading page it seems like a lot of my friends enjoy movies regularly. i... i don't really watch movies unless i'm in a movie theater with friends, and i never really saw the appeal? like i remember crys saying that "dramas feel like more of a drawn-out movie than anything else" BUT IDK movies just always felt too short to me! anyway, in march i tried to watch some "good movies" (moonlight, lady bird, and then we danced, whisper of the heart, etc.) to try and see what all the fuss was about. i think i actually did learn a lot from the process.
my conversation with rose after actually experiencing Cinematic Masterpieces or somethingspeaking of rose, she also betaed the fic outrageously fast (in like three days!?) and i definitely wouldn't have been able to continue writing this without her continued support... like seriously i was losing my mind every couple of weeks because of this fic and she was always super supportive about it. AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN STAN ENHYPEN 😭 i'm obsessed with her.
a little tangent on organization
this was also the first time i kept a little "diary" or google doc of random notes as i was writing, and it was actually super helpful. i had a lot of notes to myself there about things that i didn't want to forget, and i think i was able to write more cohesively as a result/continue to reference the things i brought up in the beginning. also i didn't really use a spreadsheet outline during my second draft which is /definitely/ a first for me!references & inspiration & au choices ▲
this is where the "i showed you my cringe please respond" TRULY kicks in. like yes this fic was extremely self-indulgent and... what about it!!!- jungwon's taste in books: the book jungwon recommends to jay is atonement. i tried to make it decently obvious but at the same time i was wary of name-dropping the actual title because like... that feels kind of pretentious. but yes i was obsessed with this novel in march and that's why it ended up here. the little prince is supposedly really popular in korea so i also mentioned that (+ i really enjoyed it when i read it earlier this year TT)
- jay's hobbies: a lot of it is canon but a lot of it is self-indulgent. like YES it's true that jay is a directionerarmy who ulted zayn and jimin <3 and everyone knows about his love for CORN... same with the hedi slimane thing and the language learning and the guitar-playing. but i forced my love of baking into this fic just because i think it's Peak Romance and the chemistry thing... well that's also just made up. i just really wanted him to be interested in like 102939 different things because that's how he IS irl
delusional stem nerd tries their best to cope with the fact that their faves are NOT about that lifestyle- jungwon's interests: i didn't want to do taekwondo because idk anything about it, so instead i extrapolated from one of my fav facts about him (that he loves watching ROMANTIC FANTASY MOVIES) and was like what if he wanted to be a writer?!
- i feel like the media i was inspired by is pretty obvious if you know me... T__T
- [movie] whisper of the heart — i know this is like a middle school "coming of age" "romance" ghibli film but like. I FELT THINGS! i really liked how the protags encouraged e/o to find their dreams and passions... and the reflections on the creative process as well
- [drama] i told sunset about you — this is just peak intense_teenage_first_loves, and the vibes from this helped me write a lot of the ending parts LOL. sorry if the tenderness was too much... like yes it embarrassed me to write it but it was also kind of fun
- "what if you had a second life": this was inspired by a random cc answer by hwarium... i can't even find it anymore but i remember the phrasing was pretty interesting. they were like "if i had another life i would choose the same job/career as i'm doing right now. but if i had a life after that one then i would have done [insert x other thing]" and that level of contentment/satisfaction really struck a chord with me
- why i set the fic in the us: i usually try to set my fics in korea but with the initial tutoring premise, i felt like i wouldn't be able to get all of the details accurate... and then also the summer timeline didn't seem to fit super well with the education system LOL T__T
- themes???: look, i didn't really know what i was doing a lot of the time but i tried to parallel things a lot. i think i have the tendency to be a little heavy-handed and overt about these things anyways but whatever
- what it means to "know" someone: the difference between understanding someone because you've known them for a long time vs understanding someone because you've made the effort to know them, knowing as a form of loving, change in perceptions over time, familiarity vs unfamiliarity esp in the context of moving somewhere new
- the weather: idk i think there's something nice about water and raining and "renewal" and the two kiss scenes were very obvious parallels...
- is there a point in loving someone when you know it will end? aka the most teenagery question of all time, i think.
- i was also hoping that jay's interest in fashion/refusal to pursue it could parallel his interest in jungwon/refusal to pursue their relationship. like i guess the point i was trying to make was, it's better to have no regrets and say that you tried to do something than just be prematurely pessimistic? like, yes, jungwon is a little idealistic and naive but that's his strength in a way... i'm sorry i feel like this makes no sense
music ▲
see the playlist here. i'm not going to go through every song, just some of the more important (?) ones that resonated with me while i was writing.seasons - rival, cadmium, harley bird
you came into my life
just like another season
not for long, just a time
just like another season
maybe this time next year
you'll reappear for no reason
but I'll cherish everyday
until you come my way this season
just like another season
not for long, just a time
just like another season
maybe this time next year
you'll reappear for no reason
but I'll cherish everyday
until you come my way this season
this is where the title came from! idk i think this song does a good job of capturing the fleeting importance of summer friendships/memories <3
fever - enhypen
what I gotta do, my burning hands
reach out to you but I cannot have it
I cannot touch you, never
but I'm drawn to you
the more I hurt the more I want you
reach out to you but I cannot have it
I cannot touch you, never
but I'm drawn to you
the more I hurt the more I want you
[tumblr shitpost voice] it's about the YEARNING... also this is the one enha song that fit the fic lmao.
the louvre - lorde
well, summer slipped us underneath her tongue
our days and nights are perfumed with obsession
I overthink your punctuation use
not my fault, just a thing that my mind do
our thing progresses
I call and you come through
blow all my friendships
to sit in hell with you
okay I know that you are not my type
(still I fall)
I'm just the sucker who let you fill her mind
(but what about love?)
nothing wrong with it
supernatural
just move in close to me, closer, you'll feel it coasting
our days and nights are perfumed with obsession
I overthink your punctuation use
not my fault, just a thing that my mind do
our thing progresses
I call and you come through
blow all my friendships
to sit in hell with you
okay I know that you are not my type
(still I fall)
I'm just the sucker who let you fill her mind
(but what about love?)
nothing wrong with it
supernatural
just move in close to me, closer, you'll feel it coasting
the summer romance... the obsessive teenage loves of it all... like yes i know this song is so basic but it's popular for a reason. idk i think it describes jay pretty well T___T
end credits - eden, leah kelly
let's get away from here and
live like the movies do
I won't mind when it's over
at least I didn't think for a while
don't drag it out
living like that doesn't mean a thing
and all we'll ever need is another day
we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away
and live like shooting stars
'cause happy endings hardest to fake
live like the movies do
I won't mind when it's over
at least I didn't think for a while
don't drag it out
living like that doesn't mean a thing
and all we'll ever need is another day
we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away
and live like shooting stars
'cause happy endings hardest to fake
i think this feels like jungwon's song to me. just the whole "let's live for the moment" and the acknowledgment that happy endings aren't realistic but the idealism that shines through regardless?!? T___T i'm EDEN fan btw
in the same place - girls on top
under the same sky, at the same time, at the same place
we’re probably seeing other people
we were too young and didn’t understand love
I wish you happiness, now goodbye goodbye
we’re probably seeing other people
we were too young and didn’t understand love
I wish you happiness, now goodbye goodbye
this is more of like "how they would view the relationship after the fic ended" but i thought the lyrics were really sweet honestly :'))
deleted scenes ▲
warning, these are all unedited and bad. and they're also from my first draft which had a bit of a different conflict/characterization. i'm not going to copy-paste the whole 6k i scrapped but just some of the parts that i remember thinking might be sort of relevant…UMM HAVE FUN WITH THIS CHEMISTRY TUTORING SHIT
Jay never expected that he'd end up in this situation with the sixteen-year-old from down the street when Jungwon first entered his house for Chemistry tutoring. Truthfully, Jay hadn't known what to expect. If there are layers to knowing someone--like seeing only the tip of an iceberg, everything else lurking beneath the surface of the ocean's depths; like unfurling an onion piece by piece--then Jungwon, to him, had always seemed as perfectly placid and unassuming as the surface of their local pond.
It’s a sunny, summery Monday morning, the type of day that glows with promise and opportunity, and Jay spends the first ten minutes of their meeting explaining acid-base buffers to Jungwon as light strikes the back of his neck. The following ten minutes are spent in abject silence, as he watches Jungwon follow through the problems perfectly, without hesitance, down to the last significant figure.
It doesn’t make any sense. And Jay gets the sense that there’s something he’s missing, some crucial piece to the puzzle that only Jungwon has, and if there’s ever another thing Jay dislikes more, it’s not knowing something.
So the first real thing he ever says to Jungwon--more memorable than brief small talk at family gatherings, simpler than the chemistry terms they’d been throwing around earlier--is, “No offense, but why the hell are you here?”
Jungwon blinks, then gives him a withering look. A look like: you’re so fucking dumb. A look that, frankly, would have more of an impact if Jungwon didn’t resemble one of those Pixar-type cartoon bunnies, wide-eyed and weirdly endearing. Lucky, Jay can’t help but think. When Jay was sixteen he had a smattering of acne across his cheeks and more insecurities than he’d been able to juggle. And he hadn’t been half this competent at chemistry, either.
“To get tutored,” Jungwon replies slowly.
There’s a split second where he doesn’t know what to expect from Jungwon. A momentary precariousness, for Jungwon, to him, seems to be of two things--both possessing this quiet maturity but also reflecting a type of burnished innocence. Maybe that’s what it’s like, to be sheltered--to be stifled and cognizant of that stifling, knowing of one’s own ignorance.
Jungwon slumps back into his chair, the first time Jay’s ever noticed anything less than ramrod-straight posture from him.
"I'm so jealous," he says.
Jay blinks. "What?" As far as he's concerned, Jungwon has nothing to be jealous of from him. Nothing except--
"That you're doing what you like," Jungwon continues. There's a thread of plaintive longing in his tone, another string in that mystery tapestry of Jungwon's personality. He pushes the chemistry textbook away from him, eyeing it as if it's something he can't bear.
THE RANDOM JAKEHOONSUN PANDERING?
So Jay cuts to the chase, tired of waiting: "So did you want to talk to me about anything in particular, or...?"
"Oh, right." Sunghoon rubs at the back of his neck. “Actually, I did want to ask you about something.”
Jay takes a sip of his drink. “Okay, shoot.”
“So there’s this… customer,” Sunghoon begins. “And I think. Um.”
Sunghoon’s one of the most inefficient speakers Jay has ever met. If there’s a conversational path from A to B, then he’ll always make sure to twist back and forth between the points with a series of pauses and “um”s. Jay's used to it by now, but damn if it doesn't make him a little impatient sometimes.
“This customer comes around a lot, and it’s not like, creepy, but I think they might be interested?” Sunghoon continues. “In me?”
The amount of uncertainty in his tone borders on baffling--this coming from the same boy who’d received a veritable bouquet of carnations on Valentine’s Day, each one from a different admirer; from the boy who, while pretty fucking awkward, has never struggled with getting a girl to like him.
Pretty people problems. Jay cuts to the chase. “Is she hot?”
Sunghoon stares at the ground, avoiding eye contact. Jay reaches out, places a hand on his back. "Look. Are you interested in her or--"
Sunghoon mumbles something.
“What?” Jay asks, leaning closer. “Dude, I can’t hear you.”
“He’s kind of cute,” Sunghoon says loudly. Oh, fuck. “But I don’t know,” he adds, in a quieter tone. “Like, how does that even work? With a guy?”
Jay looks away. He can feel Sunghoon’s eyes on his face. This question was meant for him; he has no clue what to say, wouldn’t be able to answer it. He takes his hand off of Sunghoon's back, curls his fingers into a fist.
"I don't know, man." Jay bites down on his lip, glances out across the parking lot. "Why are you coming to me about this?"
The sun glinting off against the cars, almost hot enough for him to see a slight mirage, wavering in the air, occurring in the distance. A deceptively beautiful day.
If he thought Sunghoon seemed happier before, it’s nothing compared to the way his eyes light up and his smile widens as he looks at his screen.
Jake catches on immediately, too. “You’re smiling at your phone again,” he comments. “Is it”--he turns to look at Jay, who nods in understanding--“the guy again?”
“Yeah,” Sunghoon replies. He bites his lip, looking up and between Jay and Jake, never meeting Jay’s gaze directly. “I actually...I asked him out.”
“And he said yes?” Jay prompts, reaching out to touch Sunghoon’s shoulder. They hold eye contact for a moment, a silent message, an apology Jay can’t speak aloud just yet.
Sunghoon nods, ever so slightly, and Jay knows he’s accepting and saying yes at the same time. “Yeah.” Sunghoon hesitates, then adds, “He was like, ‘I’ve been dropping hints this whole time, I can’t believe it took you so long to notice.’”
“Damn.” Jay can’t help but notice the little flare of envy that burns in his gut, but he forces it down, tries to smother it away instead of feeding into it.
“Congrats, man,” Jake says, clapping Sunghoon on the back. “So is he, like, your boyfriend now?”
Sunghoon starts blinking at that, flustered. “I don’t know? I guess? Wait, I haven’t asked him, I don’t really--”
“Relax,” Jake replies, all soothing. He shoots a smile at Jay--a little strained, like, are you going to help me out here. “You’re fine.”
HEEJAYTYUN BACKSTORY
Jay is sixteen when he has his first kiss.
Before then, he’d been sure of certain truths: that Heeseung and Taehyun were his best friends (ever since elementary school, they’d been a sure package deal), that he’d never be able to go to school for a STEM subject (what a disappointment to his parents), and that he was straight (not that he ever really gave it much thought. It’s just that no one would ever think otherwise, and he was the same).
All it takes is one afternoon to send all of those things into a tailspin.
It’s like this:
Heeseung’s with him in his bedroom, and they sit on top of his bed together, and they’d talking about nothing in particular. Just shooting shit to pass the time, easy conversations and even easier laughs. Taehyun isn’t here, but that’s because Taehyun has been busier, lately; distanced by virtue of his math team meetings and tech week rehearsals. Jay and Heeseung have already bought tickets for the musical, ready to support their best friend, separated by the stage.
Taehyun has everything put together. He lives not neat and organized, but unphased by mess. Heeseung’s starting to get an idea, and there’s a satisfied smile playing across his lips as he recounts stories from choir rehearsals, talks about upcoming solo auditions.
Jay is sixteen and he has no idea what he’s doing.
It’s like this:
Jay turning his head to look back at Heeseung, only to realize that Heeseung had been staring at him all along. The sun cutting in through the windows, bathing the whole room in this strange orange light. It felt like anything could be possible at that point.
Heeseung must have sensed the same thing. Must have seen something there, in Jay’s eyes, in that moment. Why else, then, would he lean in to kiss him like that?
Why else, then, would Jay let him? Allow Heeseung to place a warm hand on his shoulder, come a little closer, open his mouth up to his.
But Jay is sixteen, and he knows who he is. But Jay is sixteen, and in truth he doesn’t know anything except:
“We shouldn’t do this,” Jay says. He feels like a shaken up can of soda, ready to explode--something sweet twisted too far, acidic aftertaste. As he speaks, with each word, another reason comes bubbling up to the surface. He’s my best friend he doesn’t like me not good enough don’t know why--
Jay settles on the simplest reason. “I like girls.” That much he knows for certain--one kiss can’t erase the crush he’d had on the badminton club captain, all the half-hearted romantic feelings he’d never had the inclination to pin down further.
Heeseung rearranges his face to an expression of terrifying blankness. “Fine,” he says. The same put upon look he reserves for talking to teachers in class, to hiding. The face reserved for strangers.
Jay has made a stranger out of himself with just a few words. But that doesn’t erase the facts. The truth that he knows the feeling of another boy’s mouth on his and he doesn’t know what to make of it.
They forget about it, never talk about it. And when Taehyun tells him, nearly eight months later, that he’s dating Heeseung, it’s as if it never happened. By that time Jay has found a special charm in chemistry, but he’s still sure that Heeseung and Taehyun are his best friends. He’s still sure that whatever had happened that sunny afternoon had been a fluke. Sixteen, and in flux, so sure of all the wrong things.
Senior spring means a thawing--of the ice, of the weather, of the tense atmosphere that had surrounded all of the seniors as the college admissions process is finally over. Thawing meaning a melting away of worries, something dissipating, new things blooming amid it all.
Senior spring brings heartbreak too. Jay had never considered that such a thing would happen to Heeseung. When he’d first heard about Taehyun and him dating, Jay had thought it was for the best. That it was good for Heeseung to date someone who deserved him, someone confident and clear headed. That they looked good together, in a way that seemed undeniable.
But, nonetheless: Heeseung messages him with a curt we broke up.
Ten minutes later, and Jay’s at his doorstep. In Heeseung’s bedroom, sitting on his bed, trying to understand the rational machinations behind Taehyun dumping Heeseung. They’re going to separate colleges anyway, Jay hears second hand, Taehyun’s cold logic rendered wavery and emotional through Heeseung’s voice. They weren’t going last anyway.
Ten hours later, and Jay’s got Taehyun cornered in his car in the high school’s senior parking lot. Hands pushed against his shoulders, up close and confrontational--loose, undirected anger that needs to be channeled somewhere.
“I trusted you,” Jay says. It’s far too early for this, just minutes before the first period starts. The morning dew feels like a mist against his skin, a little too chilly for comfort.
Taehyun crosses his arms. “With what?”
This close, he can see how tired Taehyun looks--how it’s obvious that this took a toll on him too. He feels a twinge of sympathy, but that subtle feeling is drowned by overwhelming outrage, defensiveness on behalf of Heeseung. “How dare you--with Heeseung--”
“What, did it break his heart?” Taehyun snaps. He’s brittle and sharp, like shards of paper-thin glass. On edge, and so much more likely to hurt and wound others because of it. “Didn’t you get there first?”
Taehyun pauses, waiting for Jay to respond, but he’s shocked into silence then. Not when the things between them are given over to other people as well. A growing realization budding in his chest that Heeseung must have told Taehyun, a growing sense of defeat.
He knows, then, that Heeseung and him will never be able to truly be best friends once more. It isn’t a realization so much as acknowledgment of a painful truth, a sort of truth Jay never wants to face again. And Taehyun is accusing him of--
“At least I wasn’t too chicken to admit how I felt,” Taehyun says.
Jay finds the words to reply, somehow. His hands are clenched into fists. “You asshole--” He doesn’t finish his thought, doesn’t know how to word his feelings anyways. A storm of things that he’s not sure he even wants to verbalize, as amorphous and ugly as they are.
“You can’t say anything, because you know I’m right,” Taehyun replies, so matter of fact and straightforward. The only person whose capacity for directness exceeds his, and Jay realizes, for the first time, just how much that honesty can sting. “Just like I’m right about Heeseung. What hurts now will hurt more later.”
Jay had thought a lot about that conversation, afterward. He’d hated Taehyun for a while, albeit irrationally, that dislike stemming from more base emotions--fear, love. When Heeseung had told him about dating Taehyun, Jay had thought it was for the best, that Taehyun was the person who Heeseung deserved--someone confident and clear headed. He hates Taehyun for shattering that image for him, for reminding him of his own cowardice. He hates that Taehyun’s right. It’s not as if Heeseung and Taehyun necessarily were going to last, going to colleges so far apart. He doesn’t know many, if anyone, surviving the curse of long distance relationships.
And sure, growing up and apart is inevitable, right? Life is just a revolving door of people leaving and entering, and maybe it’s too naive to expect someone to be by your side for that entire journey--maybe there’s no point in trying to prolong something that’s bound to come to a close sooner rather than later anyway.
there's actually a bit more than this but i don't really want to get into it/i don't think it's very interesting. basically, i cut out a lot of the stuff involving the ensemble cast and focused on jaywon's relationship instead T___T
final thoughts ▲
a lot of times when i write a fic, i relate a lot to one character and not both of the main characters, but here both jungwon and jay have a little bit of me in them? i think that's why this fic feels so personal T___T like i'm not very similar to jay or jungwon at all, really (resident math major) but i wanted to put some of my feelings about the end of senior year/growing up/saying goodbye to first loves into this fic. ik there are still some parts that are a little lacking/underdeveloped but as of right now this is probably my favorite thing i've written!anyways sorry for the insane amounts of rambling and if you got this far then thank you for reading!! i guess i had a lot to say, huh. ^__^
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it's v enlightening to read your goals n intentions for this fic in retrospect because like. you succeeded at all of them by a literal mile your writing has matured a lot since your markohmark days and it's now a lot more nuanced and contains relevant, deeper themes (i already said this but im saying it again)
SPEAKING OF UR THEMES <3 <3 <3 loved ur use of the weather and esp how u thought of it as renewal.. i admittedly did not think about it like that (i kept thinking of ur "Jungwon.. a storm in a boy" line... was that this fic?!) when i read those scenes, but the more optimistic view of it is so cool
anyways proud of u as always i will keep telling u this actually ... dunno how u held onto this for NEARLY FOUR MONTHS but <3 it's out there and flawless !! congrats again ly
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little shrek moment here hahah jkjk
But I enjoyed the sungsun of it all <3 The heejaytyun background story too... LIKE... OKAY. maybe i'm just insane and would eat anything you post/write. : )
The fact that you struggled with this fic for three months + i'm really glad you got to the end of it because i feel like i'm going to be coming back to this fic a lot for rereads. It's fun to hear that YOU WATCHED SOME MOVIES IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING THIS because i did feel like your pacing changed a bit in this fic!!! The short scenes, the DIALOGUE... THE ATMOSPHERIC WRITING.
yeah can you tell i like it a lot T-T thank you for this shakti <3 enha ficdom is lucky you exist
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