2021 year in fic

[permutative]

total number of completed stories: 13 (▲1)
total word count: 84700 (▲ 6700)
fandoms written in: enhypen (12), txt (2)

chronological year in review:

your eyes tell
beomseung (txt, enhypen) / 16.1k / january 25

ten hours love
jakehoon (enhypen) / 2.9k / january 26

you blooming me
jakehoon (enhypen) / 1.2k / january 26

without limit
jaywon (enhypen) / 13.3k / february 27

can you see the stars in broad daylight?
sungsun (enhypen) / 1.9k / march 4

heart shaker
jaywon (enhypen) / 11k / march 30

this place that only we know
tyunning (txt) / 4k / april 17

stand on the path you take
jaywon (enhypen) / 2.5k / april 19

AUTOMATON
heejay (enhypen) / 1.8k / april 23

just like another season
jaywon (enhypen) / 18k / june 16

the other side
heejay (enhypen) / 7k / september 3

'cause it feels right
jayhoon (enhypen) / 5k / september 26

 

goals/wips from 2020:
looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?
i think my original goal was to write less fic overall but to produce more "quality" writing. considering that last year's wordcount was written over a three month span of time whereas this year's wordcount was written over nine months, i guess i wrote about as much as i expected – i wanted to write less random junk than i had in the past.

what pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?
definitely jayhoon with 'cause it feels right. in january i wasn't that big of a jay park fan and jayhoon wasn't even on my radar. it's also a pairing that i probably would not have written if i didn't get assigned for it in ficmix… um… outside of that, i wasn't expecting to write porn with feelings with TYUNNING as the focus – both the "genre" and the pairing of this place that only we know aren't particularly my go-to writing wise.

did you take any writing risks this year?
honestly, i didn't. i'm not a terribly risky writer and i enjoy writing the same canon compliant/slice of life sort of fics over and over again TTT sorry for being like this i will never change.

events you participated in this year:
i just did kpop ficmix! ngl there were so many layers to the ficmix assignments this year especially on the txthypen side, that was a wild time – i feel like half of my mutuals were assigned to each other <3 since i dropped out of ficmix the last time i participated in 2019, i was dead set on not repeating that this year and i'm glad that i succeeded… even if the experience itself was kind of harrowing. 

best & worst:
your own favorite story of the year:
i really like just like another season!! honestly looking back on it it's sort of needlessly Serious and pretentious and heavy in a way that is unnecessary, almost self-indulgent, but i think my canon-compliant fics suffer more from those aspects than this fic. also i spent so much time working on it, rewriting and revising it until the storyline actually made sense, that it just has a special place in my heart regardless of how "good" it is <3 and just on the line by line level, i think it has some of the best prose i've written.

best story of the year:
umm still feel like without limit might be my best. it doesn't drag and every scene that's included has some purpose. i'm also pretty happy with the different elements of the narrative that i tried to work with – the moon and tides, having things unfold in a non-linear fashion, including all of the "canon compliant" elements i wanted to have in the story, the open-but-not-actually-open ending. also jay park having his love interest moment <3

most popular fic this year:
heart shaker hit 700 kudos a couple days ago which is crazy to me. i remember thinking that no one would want to read it because the premise includes kangmini of crabity fame but ever since the day i posted it, i've been pleasantly surprised with the response :') who doesn't love a fun little high school au!

most fun story to write:
probably heart shaker, again – i had so much fun including all of the random cameos from different groups and seeding agendas that i had discussed with my friends :') it's nice to write a fic with a target audience of like four people in mind. also i didn't take that long to write the fic, and in general, the more time i spend on something the less "fun" it is for me… i guess…

hardest story to write:
the other side, probably – i posted it semi-incomplete because i got too frustrated with it to properly finish. i think the themes were too similar to your eyes tell and without limit – because with your eyes tell i had already written heeseung canon compliant introspection, and with without limit i had already explored jay park as a Love Interest. but at the same time i was determined to write something about heejay, just because i do like them as a ship quite a lot, so i still tried to make it work and write something new. it didn't really succeed though.

story with the single sexiest moment:
this place that only we know… no comment

“holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story:
probably AUTOMATON – any time i write pwp i'm like why did i do that. or either of the jakehoons i posted on january 26th to make the jakehoon tag equal the heehoon tag in number of works on ao3… um... no comment

most memorable comment/review:
wait i don't even know what to say for this one! just want to shoutout all friend comments. if u know me and read my fic then that's Personal (and i definitely have reread ur comment many times). but also i'd like to highlight kaia (queen of commenting with random hyeongjun reaction photos), cindy (queen of reading fic without knowing what's going on in the slightest), and rose (my beta reader whose gdoc comments i would literally not be able to live/write without T__T). waittt lowkey the most memorable review i read this year was when i link-searched my nomin fic from 2020 on twitter and found this notes app rant about the fic in vietnamese or something about how that fic had destroyed them emotionally... but maybe i shouldn't be admitting this in public

other reflections:
comments about writing style or process:
i don't know what my style is! i don't even know what it means to have a style. but also i think i've been focusing less and less on "style" and more on trying to tell the story i want to tell in the most effective way possible, if that even makes sense? like when i want to do something humorous i'll have a more rambly type of narrator with random asides, or when i want to be more introspective and thoughtful i'll um… do that… i feel like my writing sort of stagnated as the year went on (especially in the summer!) and i hope that my change of setting/environment in college will sort of kickstart a new era of growth in my writing. i also just wish i could write things with a higher level of complexity. it's so hard for me to plot things! but at the same time i feel like i just don't have the Brain… thinking is actually so difficult… but conversely my style is really too plain and simple to pull off short pieces nicely so i'm just like :D?

something you learned this year:
it's better to take your time to make things good! last year i wrote things all in a rush and even spending, like, more than a couple of weeks writing a fic seemed like an overkill to me. i started editing my fics more extensively this year and also letting the drafts sit for longer amounts of time before coming back to reread with a fresh state of mind, and that really helped me view my work in a more objective light and made the whole writing process a lot easier. it's also crazy how time just makes things better… i don't think i can ever be that person who writes a fic in one day anymore.

favorite fic you read this year:
i feel obligated to talk about the fics that people wrote for me <3 yes i’m talking about…

• crash (i'm in overdrive) by pulses [technically not For Me but also... if u know u know]
• this love isn't crazy by lackadaisical (deadtime) [THE OG HEEJAY!! the heejay to end all heejays. u get it]
• redacted by girlrock [why is redacted so serious]
• stoplight! go, go by newaches (jsnoopy) [YES WE'RE TAEGYU SHIPPERS IN THE YEAR 2021!!! and what about it]

otherwise just check my bookmarks TT i love friendfic...

quotes:
favorite opening line(s): this is making me realize that i'm sort of bad at openings! like seriously what the hell

– from just like another season

It’s raining on the day Jay’s life falls apart. A sudden storm, heavy and warm, appearing out of the blue in the way things often do in the summer.

favorite closing line(s):

– from 'cause it feels right

What does love at first sight even mean? Jay doesn’t know if he believes in that, in just being able to look at a person and know that he’s the one.

But he does know this. Every time he sees Sunghoon, every moment they spend together, Jay is certain there’s potential for more. Even his tenth impression of Sunghoon is different from his hundredth.

And maybe that’s more important than an instant gut feeling, than the distinction between quick-ignition attraction or slow-burn romance. Just being able to wake up next to Sunghoon in the mornings, weak eight a.m. light shining through the windows, and think to himself: I want to keep doing this.

– from heart shaker

Jongseong has always wondered whether he’d experience the same exhilarating emotions that he’s heard through song or seen on the screen. For so long he’d been blind to the affection that was right in front of him. But now he knows a deeper truth. That maybe love isn’t as obvious as advertised, that maybe it can be hidden in comfort and warmth. Like the scarf Jungwon had made him, like the imperfect cookies he’d baked in return.

This—being with Jungwon—isn’t like the movies at all. This is better, because it’s real.

favorite line(s) from anywhere:
– from the other side

They don’t get along at first, all seven of them. There are pieces that don’t fit, jagged edges and scars that still smart in the aftermath of I-Land. The apartment doesn’t have a sofa at first, and Heeseung still remembers the way the cold tile floor felt against his knees during their first nightly chat as a group. All cold, unyielding surfaces, wondering if they could ever soften.

/

Heeseung looks at Jongseong. Truly looks at him, under the bright kitchen lights. Heeseung remembers it all—the nights at Han River, the early mornings in the practice rooms, the phantom touch of a mic pack digging into his side. None of that’s here now. All there is is their bowls of instant ramen and Jongseong staring right back.

– from heart shaker

“Right,” Jongseong replies, exchanging a glance with Sunghoon. He isn’t quite sure how Minhee and Sunghoon even know each other, honestly. Maybe they exchange tips for how to reject girls politely with good feelings.

/

He wonders what it had been like for Jungwon. Had Jungwon looked at Jongseong one day and, like a strike of lightning, just know that he saw Jongseong as more than a friend? For as long as Jongseong has lived in Korea, knowing Jungwon and caring for him have been synonyms in his dictionary. If anything, maybe realizing his feelings isn't this light bulb moment, isn't just a binary on-off switch. Maybe, instead, it's been with him all along, as gradual as the sun moving over the sky. Under the surface of every walk to school, between Jungwon’s weekend hangouts and his quiet attention, Jongseong had gradually crossed that line that goes beyond friendship.

– from without limit

It’s hard for Jungwon, walking around feeling like he owes someone—especially when he’d spent so long existing as an island apart from others, beholden to no one.

/

At that moment, he doesn’t know a name for this feeling—for the emotions he experiences when Jongseong shows his affection so clearly, a lighthouse’s beacon that cuts through the fog of everything else. Letting him know he’ll never be lost at sea.

– from your eyes tell

If there’s one thing Heeseung has learned over the years, though, it’s that things don’t need to come naturally to him in order to be meaningful. Put in enough effort, and it’ll eventually show up. Like sifting for gold at the bottom of a river, like a stream wearing a jagged rock down into a smooth pebble: enough time, enough trying, and maybe he can make something precious out of it.

/

All of the trainees looked around at each other then, at their rough, plain faces that shone only from eagerness and sweat. None of them were unattractive, but there was something inherently ugly in their desperation regardless.

/

“There can only be one person at the top,” Yeonjun continued. One of the truest things Heeseung has ever known. “But at the end of the day, you’ll have to debut in a group. You can’t do anything alone”—Yeonjun gestured at the practice room, empty save for the two of them—“not like this.”

– from just like another season

It’s scary, a little. For every inch Jungwon gives him, Jay wants to take—wants to give back—another mile.

/

Jungwon nods mutely, withdrawn. Jay almost can’t believe that there used to be a time when he couldn’t read the minute expressions on Jungwon’s face, a time when every working thought in Jungwon’s head was a mystery. It seems so clear to him now, and Jay wishes that it weren’t that obvious. That he could be ignorant to all the damage he’s caused.

/

It’s not like he never considered it before: Jungwon liking him back, Jungwon kissing him. But those had always been wispy fragments of thoughts, nothing like the solid touch of Jungwon against him. Nothing real. But now he can feel his heartbeat in his throat, a rearrangement of bodily senses. Jay knows what it’s like to kiss Jungwon, and he doesn’t know how to forget it.

looking forward:
wips/fanfic goals for the new year:
hahaha... yeah i don't have any plans to write things i'm going to be 100% honest <3 i'm just going to keep doing my thing. wait actually i kind of want to write thai actor rps or something to do with all of the thai dramas i’ve been consuming but at the same time i feel like i don’t know enough culturally to feel comfortable writing things... i don’t even know. actually wait i kind of do want to write things. let me just leave this here:

• a college au, now that i'm actually in college
• jaywon hp au (... if you know you know)
• thai actor rpf or thai bl fic