media round-up + thoughts (february 2021)

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another month of media consumption and thonks brought to you by dw user permutative!

STUFF I WATCHED
i actually (kind of) started trying to watch tv this month? it didn’t exactly work but i got through a couple shows which i was honestly pretty proud of... at the end of the month the weather started getting better though so i went on walks outside instead of walking on the treadmill lol

tv shows:

• high school musical: the musical: the series // something about this show was so heartfelt and earnest and sweet... also i think watching disney shows is more fun when you're older than half the characters involved because it made me realize just how old disney actors look in general!? but yeah it was super wholesome and gave me a lot of nostalgia for my short-lived theater kid days when i was the chemistry teacher in my town's production of high school musical: the musical TT
• druck (season 3) // AHHH i think there's something about the plot of skam s3 in general that makes it difficult for me to like (i.e. isak being an asshole to his "girlfriend" while he figures out his sexuality and some other random plot points) but i definitely enjoyed this a lot more than the og!! even the parts where matteo was just like [smokes weed in his room] weren't that bad and T____T david... i cried over him and his character arc and the young teenage first loves of it all <3 also the soundtrack made the show 1000% more watchable, the music choices were really good!!
• [currently watching] a love so beautiful (korean remake) // it is kind of embarrassing how unhinged i am about alsb as a media property (i've read a translation of the original cnovel and watched the cdrama twice...) but it's just something that my friends and i watched together when i was 15 and it's nice to revisit the same story a couple years later. the acting is not that good and in general i like the og adaptation better but idk it's not too bad so far TT i cannot recommend this in good faith it's basically a tropey mess but i think in general i'm always really partial to narratives where the "colder"/more "standoffish" person is actually the one who relies on the more bubbly/cheerful/extroverted/outgoing person even if it's not obvious at first... can u tell i'm a sungsun shipper. 

anyways as per usual i watched a LOT of enhypen content and basically ended up finishing all of their vlives (?! pretty much everything except for their debut showcase live and the sunjake which hasn't been subbed :/). i genuinely did not think this would be possible back in december but i guess i’m truly an #engine now... i also caved and made a notion database for all of the non-txt/enha content i like (u know which people to blame for this one)

some kpop content highlights:

• favorite enhypen videos thread // good for if you're just getting into enhypen, the first two videos in particular are really accessible imo
• this cix dance variety video // literally nothing to say it's just insane
• txt & en- playground (ep1) (ep2) // ahmmm i'm not the biggest variety fan but i will say that there is nothing quite like seeing your txt 2pick (taegyu) and ur favorite enha ship (jaywon) all together on one team. <3

STUFF I READ
i read a lot this month idk... february vacation week sure helped with that! reading really helps me keep my mind off of [insert tmi about my personal_situation] and i've been having a lot of fun especially reading things that my friends have recommended <3

list of books i read in chronological order:
1. bloom by savanna ganucheau, kevin panetta ★★★
2. this is how you lose the time war by max gladstone, amal el-mohtar ★★★★ (mentioned by k)
3. in the dream house by carmen maria machado ★★★★★ (mentioned by k)
4. excellent sheep: the miseducation of the american elite and the way to a meaningful life by william deresiewicz ★★★.5
5. the little prince by antoine de saint-exupéry ★★★★ (mentioned by fwcu)
6. averno* by louise glück
7. friday black by nana kwame adjei-brenyah ★★★★ (mentioned by c)
8. check, please! book 2: sticks & scones by ngozi ukazu ★★★.5
9. never let me go by kazuo ishiguro ★★★★.5 (saw on c's listo)
10. on the come up by angie thomas ★★★★.5
11. goodbye stranger by rebecca stead ★★★★
12. good talk: a memoir in conversations by mira jacob ★★★★★
13. cat's cradle by kurt vonnegut ★★ (read for academic decathlon)
14. the handmaid's tale by margaret atwood ★★★★.5 (read for english class)
15. first light by rebecca stead ★★★.5
16. clap when you land by elizabeth acevedo ★★★★★ (mentioned by k)

some highlights:
- in the dream house was so beautifully written and emotionally gripping. i always feel weird evaluating memoirs (again, it’s someone’s life so idk how to judge it) but she frames everything in such a unique way and the way she tells her story is so compelling… i was thinking a lot about how things like tropes/perspective/pov change how a story is seen after this
- good talk: a memoir in conversations was just… super relatable and still felt relevant despite centering around the events leading up to trump’s election in 2016. most of the graphic novels (tillie walden lol) tend to focus on the artwork more than the story and honestly sacrifice a bit of the story for the beautiful_scenery or whatnot but this graphic memoir definitely focused more on the conversations between the characters and the art felt a little bit more like an afterthought/sidenote (not that i minded!!). i laughed and cried because of this book it was genuinely so powerful despite being a short read. sometimes an indian american bisexual woman trying to reckon with her place and faith in american society amidst parental/familial expectations and political turmoil is something that can be so personal…
- never let me go left me with some mixed feelings but i still thoroughly enjoyed reading it… there’s something about kazuo ishiguro’s prose that’s so understated and lovely and the way the whole story unfolded (super nonlinear and jumping all over the place) left me a lot to think about. it was really hard to put down and i ended up reading most of it in one afternoon because i was that Invested in the story. i feel like a lot of questions don’t get answered/the book itself defies easy genre categorization/it’s kind of a weird story but oh well
- clap when you land is the first book in verse that i've read in a long time, probably since... 6th grade? and i forgot how compelling the format is! the writing is genuinely so beautiful and there's a way that emotions are conveyed through verse format that's just a lot more powerful than prose at some points. i love the way she explores the characters of the two sisters and simultaneously dealing with grief along with finding new things in the process... also the lesbian (former) chess nerd. i'm obsessed

*i didn’t give averno a rating because some of the poems are genuinely my favorites (october?!?!) whereas others didn’t connect with me. i don’t think i’m going to try reading poetry books anymore, it’s a lot easier for me to read short-form things one by one TT speaking of which…

some of my favorite short pieces i read this month:
- how it feels by jenny zhang // so relatable and raw and also approachable in the best way… it’s kind of hard to go through this without wanting to tear up imo
- one-act play in which no knives are used by dalton day // IDK I JUST FELT THINGS WHEN I READ IT [incapable of actual analysis] sorry for being the way i am <3

STUFF I LISTENED TO
total scrobbles: 1831
average scrobbles per day: 65

top artists:

1. golden child (397)
2. the nor'easters (151)
3. cix (131)
4. iu (103)
5. solomon grey (94)
6. younha (94)

top albums:

1. golden child 1st album [re-boot] (149)
2. cix 4th ep album ‘HELLO’ chapter Ø. hello, strange dream (131)
3. celebrity (100)
4. bloom from whence they came (94)
5. fire on fire (86)

top tracks:

1. cinema - cix (124)
2. celebrity - iu (100)
3. no matter what - golden child (98)
4. bloom from whence they came - solomon grey (94)
5. fire on fire - the nor'easters (86)

no i'm not a golden child stan, but soobun's golcha propoganda post worked. other than that i literally have nothing to say... my taste is questionable as always <3 i looped cinema & celebrity & fire on fire a lot while writing my jaywon fic T__T

STUFF I WROTE
- without limit: jay/jungwon, 13.3k (commentary) // the culmination of the jaywon brainrot i've been experiencing since january... during the writing process i was afraid i would get MOCKED RUTHLESSLY for my insane jay park tenderhearting but i think i actually managed to win people over with my #jongseongapologism... i'm really proud of how it turned out just because it's so... like it just completely panders to me. the heejaywon triangulating, the bbbisms, the balance between jay_park_the_person and park_jongseong_the_love_interest, the unabashed fluff at the end... yep
- i also wrote ~4k of a jaywon university au but it's truly so bad / the premise is really flawed!? i don't think i'll continue it honestly... 
- pretty happy with my dreamwidth content overall and i'm not sure if i'll ever end up updating the enhypen dynamics post... things keep changing on me way too fast!

things i want to think about:

• i want to get back into outlining before i write a fic? just so that going from my first draft to my second draft isn't so insanely difficult wrt rearranging the order of scenes for Maximum Emotional Damage. at the same time i've started making peace with writing scenes that will never be included in the final draft because like... there's a lot of stuff i cut out of the jaywon that was necessary to write in order for me, as a writer, to understand jungwon's mindset as a character within the fic. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE? idk 
• branching away from the basic water/fire/sun/moon/light imagery... the low hanging fruit of it all
• trying to write an au fic again? i feel like canon-compliant is my comfort zone now which i genuinely find so funny considering how i felt the exact opposite during my markohmark phase... but there's only so many times i can write the same bbb-esque set_in_the_enhypen_dorms feelings_realization fic. right?! 

honestly i don't know if i'll be writing anything next month. i have an idea for the next thing i want to write but at the same time i think i need to like... make peace with myself mentally. i've been really happy with what i've written over the past two months and the quality of the writing i'm putting out but at the same time it's like v guvax v arrq gb trg orggre ng znantvat zl rkcrpgngvbaf... hfhnyyl zl rfgvzngrf bs [fuvc cbchynevgl * dhnyvgl bs jevgvat * npprffvovyvgl bs cerzvfr = svp erfcbafr ner NPPHENGR] ohg vqx. v jvfu v pbhyq or zngher naq #pbby naq abg #pner nog fghss yvxr guvf ohg ng gur raq bs gur qnl fbzrgvzrf gur fghcvq abzva h jebgr va bar fvggvat vf zber cbchyne guna gur EBBXVR OBL TEBHC SVP h cbherq he urneg vagb <3 

sorry for being such a teenager about this, i will self reflect soon TT and i'm truly so grateful to the friends who read my fics like [mentally fragile] I Couldn't Do It Without The Support