[fic notes] heart shaker

[permutative]

this fic was supposed to be light and fluffy and inconsequential, and in some ways it is all of those things, but also it became a lot... longer than i intended and since i have Things to say about it that are too long for an ao3 author's note, i might as well dump them here.


INCEPTION:
> r sent me this tweet which shows seongmin & sunoo and minhee & jay taking photos with the same backgrounds & my friend k later made this companion tweet
> other canon facts: 

• i already knew that minhee & jungwon attended school together (namkang high school) before minhee graduated and jungwon transferred to hanlim
• minhee is well known for being part of the knitting club at school

> (commented 2/28/2021) k: "#AU WHERE JUNGWON HAS A CRUSH ON NAMKANG HIGH SCHOOL THIRD YEAR KANGMINHEE??? haha just kidding."
> (sent 3/2/2021) k: "can u write 2sun/jaywon/jungwon pining over minhee/sunghoon and minhee knitting club friends au where sunghoon knits for sunoo" / me: "WHAT THE HECK WHXIZKSJWJOSOALW" 
> i was also inspired by jungwon & sunghoon's diy vlive where jungwon was really bad at diy (so cute <3) and sunghoon was competent 

PROCESS:
> first draft was written over the course of five days, 3/9 - 3/13
> ... didn't touch it for another two weeks 
> second draft was written over the course of two days 3/27 - 3/28
> my beta looked over it and then i edited it some more from 3/30 - 3/31

idk maybe i rushed it a little bit But to be fair i started writing this fic as a procrastination/escape from my other jaywon wip, and i returned back to the first draft after two weeks because i got stuck on that other fic again >__< 

SOURCES OF INSPIRATION:
> i don't think i can write this author's note without mentioning #HOTPLACE #DAILY #SELFIE & (like a miracle) i realize. from #H#D#S i got the whole "kangminhee is super popular on instagram" backstory (ty girlrock for letting me use the edit!), from (like a miracle) i realize i got the unhinged miniz dynamic (and the whole "pocket-sized" ahn seongmin thing), and in general from both fics i was inspired by how good the ~humor~ was and how fun it was to have random cameos of my fav idols!! hence why i namedropped so many people in my own fic haha

> i was sort of worried that my jay park narration wouldn't come off well, but then i read this fic and enjoyed the unhinged narration so much that i was like WELL hopefully other people can have fun with my insane writing too <3

> this might sound stupid, but... ao3 user markohmark. a lot of the elements of this fic reminds me of the stuff i used to write as a sixteen year old: the club drama, the extended friend group shenanigans, the good old "friends to lovers" obliviousness dynamic, etc.

i feel like when i returned to writing way back in october i tried really hard to distance myself from my older works? i still remember when one of my friends was like "i feel like you weren't well known for writing a certain pairing or anything like that, but you were that person who wrote nerd aus" WHICH IS FINE. but back in october/november i really wanted to have a fresh start and write better fics and take characterization seriously, which is like... well i think that's valid too, even if the way i demeaned my past writing was like :D?? i'm really proud of how i've grown/pushed myself since returning back to fic writing, starting off with the jaemjen 25 lives au and even most recently with my jaywon canon compliant fic & my sunsun drabble. being a stem nerd is no longer a big part of my ficwriting, you know?

THAT BEING SAID, it was just so nice to let loose and write something goofy for once. i think it's really difficult for me to execute "fun" and "lighthearted" fics well, and i have no idea what other people are going to think of this, but... for once i think i'm proud of it the same way i was proud of my angsty bbbfics. like one is not lesser than the other? if that makes sense... tldr why be snobbish when you can HAVE FUN writing CRAZY FANFIC instead!

RANDOM AGENDAS ??
> kai opposite on the kinsey scale of jayke 
> beomseung (must continue my tinhatting in any way possible) / implied unhinged beomtyunningseung square just for funsies <3 (if u know who inspired this then You Know)
> park soeun was literally just inserted because abi & i both gf stan her
> the jayhoon #bestieisms were also for abi 
> miniz because of [gestures @ the entire inception section]
> the sunjay haterism was specifically for the sunjay shippers of the world. u know who u are
> platonic heejaywon/niki is very important to me <3
> yonghee and his two (2) boyfriends: depending on what fic you're reading, it could refer to bae jinyoung (cix) & daehwi (ab6ix) OR bae jinyoung (cix) & bx (cix) OR bx (cix) & woong (ab6ix). yes my friends are crazy

A NOTE ON JAY PARK:
(disclaimer: everything in kpop is fake etc etc) honestly thinking about my jay park characterization with this fic makes me feel a little anxious but at the same time it's like... this fic reflects how genuinely unhinged i am about this man T__T i know other enha members perceive him as "confident" and "funny" and whatnot but i can't help but think about how 1) he felt burdened by his role as a moodmaker at the beginning of enha (and confided in jungwon about it) 2) he chose being "honest" as the adjective that described him the best over confident/funny/etc during the buzzfeed video (and jungwon guessed correctly that he'd chose that word). his perspective is a little judgmental, a little insecure, but i think it's pretty relatable and we all have that side to us? or at least i do... idk i think about how he rarely posts selcas because he gets self-conscious of how they look / some of the stuff he's said about the other members and it's just... well sometimes he is exactly like that. i really appreciate how he values #honesty and doesn't really filter himself that much and kind of Says Shit. sorry for random parkjongseong tenderhearting. can u tell i have real unhinged (non-romantic) feelings for this man

OTHER THINGS:
> literally why is this fic so long. i described it to crys as "a 5k fic that is 11k for no reason" and i still think it's true... it's so funny because with without limit i was like "i will be RUTHLESS and cut out everything that ISN'T RELEVANT" whereas with this fic the whole point was being self-indulgent and meandering? idk how entertaining this will be to read for people who don't like txt/cravity/the other nugus i'm referencing, and while i /do/ try to streamline things while i write, sometimes... sometimes u just gotta have fun <3
> i feel like the writing is kind of simple and bland, but i'm trying to convince myself that it's fine lol. in my head there are three types of writing: 1) the style supports the story 2) the style doesn't get in the way of the story 3) the style detracts from the story. and this fic might be a little closer to #2 than i'd like but i don't think it interferes with anything (hopefully!?) so i'm happy with that. i also experimented with using parenthesis again--i feel like it works well with humor and the type of chatty narrator i had for this fic
> i think i'm starting to streamline my writing process just a little bit more... some things i did for #efficiency that helped:

• i outlined the fic after getting a couple scenes in and i think that helped me finish the first draft pretty quickly (within 5 days). also, i didn't end up writing a bunch of extraneous scenes, which was nice
• instead of retyping the entire fic, i just highlighted especially problematic passages and retyped those parts in particular. for the rest of the fic i just did my usual annotating-in-the-margins method of editing... that saved time while finishing up draft two
• i didn't look at my first draft for two weeks. in general i think the longer i spend away from a first draft (up to a certain point... i guess i wouldn't want to let it go for too long?) the easier it is to edit with a balanced mindset. editing was really fun for me this time around because i was a lot more distanced from the original draft, and i could evaluate the flaws more objectively n___n 

> i didn't expect this fic to be a reflection on "imperfect love" vs "idealism" at ALL, and i think that's part of why the fic ended up being so long, but i'm glad that i included it even if i'm a little unsure of the execution. tfw u take the fact that jungwon enjoys "romantic fantasy movies" and then u extrapolate way too hard from there... all of the dreamwidth reflections on crushes and what it means to like someone have been inspiring me i guess <3
> brave girls - rollin' and lalalilala - april were the two songs that absolutely saved me while i was writing. special shoutout to after school - weeekly & the associated jaywon edits for making me feel jaywon feelings too n__n