media round-up + thoughts (march 2021)

[permutative]

it's the end of the month. u know what that means

STUFF I WATCHED

movies

so. i gave up on watching tv shows (i have a completionist streak and i hate binging things and i hate things with a lot of episodes) BUT THEN I STARTED WATCHING MOVIES INSTEAD? this is totally because of 1) crys talking about movies and the purpose of a movie during our discord calls 2) kaia and tori watching best picture nominees for this year 3) … my parents finally disabling the controls so that i can watch rated R movies. lol

i’m mostly trying to get through the “””good””” movies i’ve heard about over the past couples of years but i’ve never been able to watch.

list of movies i watched:
1. the trial of the chicago 7 (2020) ★★★★.5 // i really like aaron sorkin and his snappy unrealistic dialogue so this was nice (and so unbelievably frustrating) to watch. crazy how 50 years passed but it still feels relevant
2. lady bird (2017) ★★★★.5 // such a good coming of age movie and i see a lot of myself in lady bird… but also how much do i care about straight white people ?
3. moonlight (2016) ★★★★★ // so beautiful and moving. it really made me think about storytelling and how there was so much said in understated moments. i really appreciated how… economical everything was? even though the events that take place are a little melodramatic, because of what the movie chooses to focus on and what it skips over it doesn’t come off that way at all. it was so visually stunning too <3 also it was weirdly important to me that the film had 0 white characters because there are a lot of pockets of existence in the US that /are/ like that, and it’s usually not shown on screen.
4. operation varsity blues: the college admissions scandal (2021) ★★★ // i had soo many derogatory thoughts while watching this movie. i don’t want to be insufferable and elitist but like there’s something about rich people needing to cheat on the SATs/ACTs (SERIOUSLY??) to get mediocre scores that really grinds my gears. the wiretapped conversations were super interesting though?! i didn’t really know anything about the scandals before i watched this movie so i thought it was a fun watch
5. sound of metal (2019) ★★★★.5 // watched this with my parents and they actually stayed awake for the whole movie which says a lot. i think i’ll always have a soft spot for movies that are set in massachusetts <3 also even if the circumstances are a lot more extreme there’s a lot to relate to wrt having to deal with a sudden change of events that messes up your whole life plans. also the mc’s relationship with his girlfriend made me feel insaane in the best way possible :(
6. and then we danced (2019) ★★★★.5 // ahhh this was so good and i really loved the main character (merab) so much... him and his spirited away poster and his hidden smiles and his froggy face n__n there were so many beautiful scenes that i'll remember for a long time and there was this unspoken tenderness to the romance that was... I Felt things. spoilers: vqx v whfg /ernyyl/ yvxrq zreno yvxr v guvax guvf vf n fxnz-rfdhr fgevat_nybat_n_tvey_juvyr_tnl fgbelyvar gung npghnyyl jbexrq sbe zr YBY  
7. scott pilgrim vs. the world (2010) .5 // how much do i care about straight white people part 2? also i genuinely hated how the asian and lgbt characters were portrayed like i guess this is comedy but i was just like wow this is soooo irritating. #canttakeajoke #sawry
8. whisper of the heart (1995) ★★★★★ // my first studio ghibli film!! objectively this is probably closer to 4 stars or 4.5 stars, but there’s just so much in the film that i related to. it really took me back to my 14/15 year old self and i don’t think i’ve ever watched something that captures that precarious stage in life so well—when you’re still a little naive and idealistic but you’re also trying to make your place in the world and figure out what you want to do for the first time. genuinely so lovely and i can’t wait to watch more ghibli movies

variety/kpop content

>> enhypen
well, enhypen&hi season 2 is airing and it’s a lot better than season 1. in particular i love my little moments of [heejaywonki]/[jakehoonsun] propaganda <3 there isn’t much to say, i haven’t gotten around watching to any of the voice vlives and i don’t think i ever will (rip…) but i DID suffer through an entire month of hatha. i’m so glad they can show their hair now ^^

spotlighting these two videos in particular:

• ENHYPEN Finds Out Which Group Member They Really Are — for some reason this was So Revealing about the enha members and their preferences/personalities? for more commentary see here
• [EPISODE] ENHYPEN (엔하이픈) @ 2020 SBS 가요대전 in DAEGU (ENG/JPN) — GUYS. GUYS THIS VIDEO. EVERY DAY I AM TERRORIZED BY JAYWON REALNESS… but seriously unhinged shipping aside this video is the most effective piece of jaywon propaganda i’ve seen so far and just. so CUTE! for more commentary see here 

>> nct
after reading crys mythsick moodmaker’s cut to the ceiling i was possessed by an inexplicable urge to read a bunch of chenji fic? so then i read some chenji fics… and then fireflies came up on spotify shuffle and i was like wow i really like park jisung’s voice??? and then crys proceeded to inundate me with a bunch of chenji videos… and anyways. i am experiencing things. now that i’m no longer trying to binge enha content i might as well just watch chenji’s thisandthat and see whether i actually like this dynamic (newsflash: i do). so goodbye mrs markohmark hello… parkjisung gf stanning? it’s more likely than you’d think <3 if this section doesn’t reappear next month then assume that becoming a half-assed maknae-line 2pick dreamzen didn’t work though

STUFF I READ

i read less books than i have during previous months mostly because i’m not EXTREMELY DEPRESSED anymore (lol). i also tried reading some nonfiction, and while it's pretty informative it also takes me longer to read because it isn't as exciting. regardless i want to keep consuming a variety of things and hopefully i can keep #learning next month too 

list of books i read:
1. how we fight for our lives by saeed jones ★★★★ // this was beautifully written and really intense but it felt incomplete in a way… i never know how to properly evaluate memoirs but it felt as if his story wasn’t finished yet/he didn’t finish it off in the right place? does that even make sense
2. the fire never goes out: a memoir in pictures by noelle stevenson ★★★ // wasn’t a big fan of this either. memoirs are so hit or miss for me, especially graphic memoirs. i think it’s interesting how she managed to leverage her fandom platform & fanart to advance her professional career though… it’s so crazy to me
3. we are okay by nina lacour ★★★ // this was really slow and not that interesting to me… it made me aware that non-linear narratives/too much introspection can sometimes be Bad
4. atonement by ian mcewan ★★★★★ // [just trashed straight white people stories] OK BUT ATONEMENT IS DIFFERENT. the prose is so gorgeous and i’m really glad i read this book even though getting through the first part of the novel was lowkey a struggle. i just really like stories where the main character is a writer? and not to spoil things or anything but the ending really made me look back on earlier events/details in such a different light.
5. bird by bird: some instructions on writing and life by anne lamott ★★★★.5 // n__n this is why i believe in Shitty First Drafts and it was a fun read! idk how much of this is really applicable to me but i like reading about how other people write and trying to cannibalize their practices sooo i thoroughly enjoyed this.
6. i wish you all the best by mason deaver ★★★★.5 // THIS IS A YA LGBT NOVEL DONE RIGHT… ya novels don’t have to be super well-written for me to enjoy but they do have to have some heart to them and this delivers so well. <3__<3
7. dreyer's english: an utterly correct guide to clarity and style by benjamin dreyer ★★★★★ // it took me a week to read this book because i kept on having mental breakdowns over how little i know about grammar/the english language in general. whatever it’s fine I LEARNED THINGS.
8. the elements of eloquence: how to turn the perfect english phrase by mark forsyth ★★★ // he hatecrimed nonbinary people so i automatically dislike him. like what the fuck
9. sadie by courtney summers ★★★★★ // this was perfectly paced and so thrilling… i was like “huh i haven’t been able to read a book in a while” and then i read this and missed a voice lesson and totally lost myself in the story. i love the podcast format in particular and the way it alternated with sadie’s perspective.
10. heads of the colored people by nafissa thompson-spires ★★★★ // these stories were sort of weird… i saw it mentioned in some of the reviews of friday black so then i thought i should check it out. i liked how some of the short stories were subtly related or set in the same universe but i feel like i didn’t really /get/ some of them? maybe this would be better if i read it in a classroom environment or something
11. between the world and me by ta-nehisi coates ★★★★.5 // maybe it’s because i read the rhetoric book recently but i was so aware of how he used those devices in his prose and it got tiring after a while… there’s no doubt that his writing is beautiful and i’m not surprised he’s a poet but it’s not like his writing even needs much embellishing considering the strength of his ideas and message!!! a short and powerful read.

also random fics i read that made me think about things:
as always no friendfic included, check my bookmarks for that stuff

• woman almighty // this is a 20k tinhet pegging fic so content warning for, like, heterosexuality i guess. i thought the parallels between being an idol and being an influencer were interesting & i feel like influencer/youtuber aus are underrated in general? also i have a soft spot for people being overworked grad students for some reason… but most importantly the unhinged unreliable narrator REALLY worked for me. like i want to read more fics where the person narrating is batshit insane it is sooo fun to experience things from that point of view
• meriggiare // umm i lost my mind over this. it was just so vivid and beautiful and englishsummerrain is so good at writing tenderness without taking it too far? like it’s intense but it’s not overwhelming n__n the prose is lovely and the whole experience of reading it was like a movie unfolding in front of my eyes.

STUFF I LISTENED TO

music

total scrobbles: 2206 (▲375)
average scrobbles per day: 71 (▲6)

top artists:
1. ateez (152)
2. ab6ix (131)
3. younha (117)
4. stray kids (92)
5. brave girls (84)
6. xxxtentacion (80)
7. f(x) (78)

top albums:
1. zero : fever part.1 — ateez (104)
2. rollin’ — brave girls (83)
3. ? — xxxtentacion (80)
4. go live — stray kids (77)
5. vivid — ab6ix (71)

top tracks:
1. inception - ateez (88)
2. rollin’ - brave girls (83)
3. sad! - xxxtentacion (80)
4. god’s menu - stray kids (77)
5. surreal - ab6ix (69)
6. flying on faith - chungha (68)
7. timeless - younha (57)
8. goodbye summer - f(x) (56)
9. sledgehammer - fifth harmony (55)
10. lalalilala - april (54)

i listened to a lot more music this month, mostly because i was doing a lot of writing and i tend to listen to music while writing or otherwise doing “work” lol. i’m wondering if i should get rid of my “top albums” section because i don’t really listen to albums and it ends up mirroring my top tracks section instead… i listened to a lot of ateez because a mutual of mine recommended me some songs and it was sort of like golden_child_propaganda part 2 for me LOL. i wonder which boy group discography i’ll tackle next <3 also i started listening to rollin’ like five days ago and it’s my #2 song so i think it’s obvious how i feel about it.

podcasts

my podcast taste is like ?? i listened to some episodes of fansplaining and it was interesting to see how the non-kpop-rpf fandoms operate n__n and then i always listen to whichever episodes of the nytimes popcast i find interesting, which for this month was the tiktok episode (discussing how tiktok viral hits usually get remixed with some famous person on it in order to cannibalize that fame) + the grammys discussion (i didn’t watch the grammys but i do like hearing people talk about it).

STUFF I WROTE

- … i wrote a lot this month. LOL T___T lowkey aggravated my tendonitis because of writing (+ leaving a bunch of deranged comments on people’s fics…) which i will need to figure out at some point. but for now i’m just chilling
- can you see the stars in broad daylight? sunghoon/sunoo, 1.9k: pretty happy with my shortfic execution tbh
- heart shaker jay/jungwon, 11k (commentary): yeah i don’t even know i’m just a parkjongseong fan and this is sort of ridiculous and sooo unintentionally telling imo
- i also wrote ~16k of a jaywon fic and i’m going to try and finish it up during april n___n it’s a gift for suz and i really want to try and do it right.
- i'm also really happy with my dreamwidth content, especially the dreamwidth primer i made and my random personal rants <3

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS

- i deactivated twice this month, which is kind of a lot, but i also feel a lot better than i did at the start of march. hopefully i can get thru the rest of the school year without deactivating LOL
- i’ve gotten rejected from like every college so far this year (gsj h trg erwrpgrq sebz he "fnsrgvrf" ohg trg vagb he "ernpurf" hzzz jungrire) but two important college decisions are coming up next month and i am sort of nervous?
- so glad the weather is better <3 i feel like my sleep schedule is a lot better than it was last month as well so i’m pretty happy idk n___n
- i've also been more social in general i think which i'm happy about too ^^ both online (i made some new engine friends which i'm excited abt) + irl as well (going on walks outside with the #bestie or wtvr)